The Roommates

33.

I don't know how long it has been since I last took a shower, but I don't care. I don't want to get up from Harry's bed. His scent is the only comfort I can have. My thoughts are lost. I don't know how I feel. I don't know a single thing. I don't know if I want to cry, or sleep, or die... The only thing I know is that I don't want to move. My thoughts are possessing me in the unhealthiest of ways.

My stay at the hospital is over and I am counting the days until I get to have Harry back at the house with me. I feel like it has been too long since we have been together. It is taking forever. He is healing slowly and I didn't want to leave without him. I didn't want to face the outside world just yet. Yet, I had to. And it has been hell.

What will happen to us? What will it be like when Liam comes back to the house? Do I want to live here again? College has just begun and, somehow, I know that even if life goes on the same as before, it will never feel like it.

I see all those people in the crowded corridors of university and I feel like a zombie. I feel selfish. How can all of these people be fine when Harry and I are going through hell? Why is it happening to us?

Niall and Louis occasionally visit him. I go back to the hospital every morning and every night when I get back from College. Niall has been a blessing and a pain to me. I know it's for both Harry and I's own good, but it's not always easy. He knows the whole the truth now. I told him everything. He was the one to pick me up from the hospital after he had dropped Liam at College for his competition. He hasn't been back since.

I can't stop thinking about Harry. I am feeling very anxious. I can't sleep nor think properly. I love him so much. I never thought I would depend on somebody so much in my life. I can't seem to do anything without him with me.

-

"Do you have any idea of when you'll be free to go?" I ask him, his hands awkwardly between mine and my cast.

"I don't know..." He sighs and looks out the window near his bed overseeing the parking outside and the snow falling heavily. "You shouldn't have come. You should have gone to College."

"I have. Niall forced me to."

"He is right. I'm glad he drove you here. I don't want you to be reckless and find your way back into the next room."

"I'm not a child. I can do things on my own." I frown to him as he doesn't seem to trust my judgment.

"Not when you are not thinking straight. And you are currently not."

"What the fuck is that about!?" I start to get really angry at him that he uses this time we have together to fight with me.

"You skipped classes to come see me when I had forced you to go." He gets his brows high on his forehead, looking at me like this is a big deal.

"How do you expect me to focus on my classes when you are half dying because of me?"

"I'm not dying. And I need you to go to give me your notes from the classes I have missed. We are lucky we made our schedule together and we share four classes. If you don't, I better stay here in this bed for the whole term because I am going to fail anyway."

"OK, OK..." I stop arguing and sigh as well as rolling my eyes. He is right. "I just worry so much, you know?"

"I know. And I you, Ruby. So, don't be reckless and go to College, it will make me sleep better." He smiles slightly, but it's wider than every other he has done before. He is healing really well.

I look at his face. The stitches on the bridge of his nose are scarring beautifully. His nose is less swollen and his black eyes are in a fading shade of purple going to yellow. I get sick to my stomach seeing him so wrecked and physically injured. I want to give him what is best, but I always seem to hurt him in too many ways.