It's Just Not That Easy

Chapter 14: Mid-life Crisis... at 18

Everything was just annoying to me. I was upset, and I had many first-world reasons why. George had tried to get in touch again, which I ignored. I didn't really want to be in university anymore. I loved it, so much, but I wanted to travel and see the world... and I didn't want to wait another 2 more years to do so. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life anymore. Mid-life crisis at 18, I'm telling you.

I had been lying in my bed for about 2 days, only getting up to shower, eat, and watch telly. My friends had been texting me, but I opened half of them and blanked the rest. My phone rang on the side table, it was on charge plugged into the wall. I sat up, peering over the side to look at the screen. Luke's name flooded the screen. I left it to go to voicemail, but a text came through straight away.

"Luke: Where are you?" I sighed, grabbing my phone to get him off my back.
"In the flat"
"Luke: Why? You have university today"
"Not going"
"Luke: You didn't come over yesterday? We waited up for you"
"Sorry"
"Luke: What's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"Luke: Is your door locked?"
"Yeah"
"Luke: When is your door ever locked🙄 I'm coming over"

My eyes went wide. He couldn't see me in this state. I refused to let him see me crying. I tried to wipe my face, grabbing tissues as they were softer and would reduce how red my face would be. It wasn't working, and they rapidly kept falling down my face. I heard the door unlock and pulled all the duvet over me so he couldn't see me. It was pitch black because the curtains were still drawn and the light was off, so when the dark got brighter I knew he had opened the door. The duvet behind me was lifted, and I felt his presence get inside of it. I don't think he was lying down, just sitting up cross legged. I felt his hand on my back, and I desperately tried to move away from him.

"Katie, what's wrong?" He spoke clueless. I shook my head, hoping he would catch on. He kept rubbing my back, which made me more emotional. He tried gently to pull the covers off me but I held on. I knew if he tried any harder I wouldn't be strong enough.

"Just leave" I mumbled, the duvet soaking up most of the sound.

"That's not happening babe" He spoke firmly, making me sigh into the duvet obnoxiously. As pretentious as it sounded I wasn't in the mood for kindness. He moved across the bed more, as I felt the mattress shift in weight, and gently pushed against me rolling me over. I had my hands over my face as he moved closer to me. He sat cross-legged in front of me, resting his hand on my face, just over where my hands were. He didn't speak for a while, he just got closer and continued to rub my back as I cried into my hands. He was trying to help me but he was making me worse, and I couldn't control it. I tried to sit up, but as I did he pulled me closer to him. I ended up almost in a ball resting in his lap. He smelt really good. "What's made you so upset?" He spoke, moving my hair away from my face, trying to release half of it from my grasp. I couldn't form any words so there was no point in trying. I just cried with him until I had no tears left. He stayed. He stayed and comforted me no questions asked. I had no clue how long I had been sat here, but I eventually calmed down until I was numb and dry. My breathing was still a little heavy. He leaned down, softly kissing the back of my head. "Are you okay?" He mumbled. I breathed in, sitting up from him and slowly taking my hands down from my face. I let my hair fall in front of me, and turned my head to the side a little, not wanting him to see how disgusting my face was bound to look. I nodded my head. "I wish you would have come to me" I could tell me was looking at me but I wouldn't face him. "What did this to you?" He spoke, trying to get any answer out of my whatsoever.

"It doesn't matter" I mumbled.

"Don't give me that" He replied. I pushed my lips together, shaking my head.

"It just doesn't..." I tried to brush it off. He moved my hair out my face and ever so gently held the side of my face, making me face him. He was frowning, not angrily but he was still frowning. I brought his hand down from my face, tactically not letting go of it in my lap.

"Everything you say and feel matters to me" He was going to make me cry again. "I wouldn't be here after all our fights if it didn't" He mumbled. "It doesn't matter how big or small your problems are, if they make you fell less than good that's unacceptable to me" He spoke firmly. I pouted straight away, making my hands shoot back up to my face. I breathed in, trying not to cry again and failing miserably. I was falling for this boy too hard for my own good. "Come here" He laughed sadly. He pulled the hand I was still holding closer to him, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I pouted, lightly smashing my face into his neck. I could feel his heart beat in his chest, and it was really fast. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked carefully. I leaned away from him, grabbing a tissue and hiding half of my face in it.

"No, I just want to forget about it" I mumbled, and he seemed to drop it. I couldn't tell him, I would just seem stupid and dumb for getting so upset over trivial things.

"Dana told me you missed cheerleading practice..." My heart sunk in chest. You know when you hear something you really don't want to hear. I didn't want to know he was hanging out with her. I just looked at him. He pushed his lips together. "All the girls came round after your practice yesterday" He tried to explain further, but I couldn't be less interested. I moved so I was leaning against the headboard, and he moved so it was sitting directly in front of me, knees touching.

"How have you been?" I asked him, wanting to get the subject off of me. He starts telling me stories about the last few days. They weren't here a few days ago, some lads trip down to Birmingham I think it was. They took little trips for a few days all the time, and half the time they never told me where or how it went. His voice was enough to make me smile, and the way he told his tales made it even funnier. By the end of the approximate 2 hours he had been here, I was laughing away and so was he, like I hadn't been crying my heart out to him in the first place. His phone buzzed, and he broke his stare with me to look down at it.

"Shit" He huffed out. "I've got to go!" He got out quickly. I was kind of sad but it was fine. He didn't have to even spend the amount of time he has with me but he did. I didn't expect him to stay any longer. "I'm sorry, if I could stay with you I would" he had his back towards me as he swung his legs off the bed, trying to slip his shoes back on. I presumed it was for work or something.

"Don't worry about it" I mumbled softly. I jumped out of bed, walking out to the main room to the door to wait for him. He wiggled in his shoes then came towards me. As soon as he got to me he captured me in a hug. I stood on my tiptoes as he was super tall, like I always had to. I let go pretty quickly because I wanted to say something.

"I really appreciate you, Luke" I mumbled, looking up to him sceptically. I pushed my lips together. It was hard to tell him because his mood changed with me every day of the week. He was smirking down at me, as he licked his lips and slid his jacket on, not forgetting to fix his hair. "It's crazy how my mood changes when your around in the best way possible and everything just seems better when I'm with you" He was holding in a grin I could tell. He blinked a few times looking down at me. "Thank you for being a sick friend, I'm sorry for bothering you" His smile faltered for a moment, but returned just as fast as it changed. He nodded his head, taking a second to look down at the floor.

"Next time I'll be proper pissed off if you don't come to me when you're drowning in your own tears" I laughed at his choice of words. He chuckled at my reaction but pointed at me shortly. "I'm serious, alright?" He mumbled down at me, getting serious, I nodded my head shyly. That was 100% not going to happen, not any time soon. Or any time in the future for that matter.

"You've got to go" I whispered, not wanting to be rude but not wanting to be the reason he was late for anything. He bit his lip, scratching the back of his as he nodded and opened the door. He walked out to his door, saluting me quickly and slipping inside.

He was a temporary high. He made me forget about my problems whilst he was around but as soon as he went everything came crashing back down again. That wasn't a good thing. I needed a permanent high, but I knew that permanent high could only be myself.