It's Just Not That Easy

Chapter 20: The Worst In You

"I'm so sorry, I can't keep you anymore" My heart tore to pieces, I knew what he was on about. He sighed, shaking his head disgustingly. "I can't keep hurting you, and fucking you around" I bit the inside of my lip, staring at him intensely.

"So what, you kiss me and leave?" It wasn't good for me, but I either showed how I felt, or acted like I didn't have feelings, there wasn't really an in between.

"I can't see you anymore" I was expecting it. I didn't know what to do. He reached toward and grabbed my two hands softly, but I was too stunned to even act back.

"Like at all?" He shook his head, pushing his fingers through my hands. I scoffed pathetically. "So much for that always there for you bullshit" I rolled my eyes subtly.

"Katie, lately all I have done is hurt you... Don't tell me I don't" Oh trust me, I wasn't going to. "I want to be the one to protect you, but right now I can't do that all the time, and if anything I'm causing all the damage" He let out, still slightly mad.

"I mess up too..." I spoke plainly, like his argument was a load of crap, because it was. "and I don't need protecting" He smiled at me softly. He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"From me you should..." He mumbled, but I shook my head.

"Stop being stupid! I'd rather we fight that you stop talking to me" I thought he would have wanted that too.

"It's not like that... It's not fair for me to keep you, and hurt you, when... someone else could be lo-, treating you better, I don't deserve you" I pulled a face at him, all very softly trying to show as little as emotion as possible. I was failing miserably.

"You don't get to decide what is fair to me, you're talking like you treat me like shit and you don't" I pouted. I was half fighting for him to stay, but at the same time I didn't want to fight for someone who didn't want me, that's just what I was like. He laughed quickly.

"It's not good enough!" He told me.

"I wouldn't fucking fancy you so much if it wasn't" I shot back quickly, not thinking about what I was saying before speaking. Oh fuck. He paused, the smile growing on his face a little. He bit down on his lip before speaking.

"That's the first time you've told me you like me..." He seemed so happy. Why did that matter to him if he was leaving me?

"I've told you before" I spoke, much quieter and less confidently than I was hoping for. He shook his head, smirking softly scanning my face. It made me even more nervous. The little shit could still be cocky despite the fact he was trying to never see me again. That was always nice.

"You've told me I was fit before, but not that you fancy me" He clarified. I shrugged, laughing at myself.

"It's not like that matters now anyway" He frowned deeply. I shook my head, slipping my hands out of his, walking his face turn more irritated.

"Of course it does!" He tried to defend.

"How the fuck does it when you don't even want to see me anymore? Let alone be together" I pointed out. He threw his hand up, pointing at me.

"There you are, assuming the worst in me again..." I stepped back, throwing my arm up now too. I pulled a face at him. He couldn't have been serious.

"I'm just repeating the words you've said" I said, shrugging.

"I've told you why though, I'm doing this for you" I laughed sarcastically. I was getting seriously nervous. I low key really needed him in my life, he didn't know that but it was true and what he was saying scared the shit out of me.