The Movies Make It Look Easy

Chapter 73

I'm extremely tired so please ignore the crappy editing job I did...and I'm sorry this chapter sucks :(

 

 

Chapter 73

 

Shannon’s P.O.V:

 

I might as well have not gone to class. My mind couldn’t have been further from my studies. It was firmly locked on my upcoming date with Nick. My date with Nick. Just thinking about it sent a shiver of anticipation and nerves rocketing down my spine. Yes, I was actually nervous - extremely so, if I was honest with myself. Part of me found the idea faintly ridiculous, I mean, we’d known each other for so long now and had been teetering on the edge of a relationship for most of that time. So why was I nervous? A large part of it was probably the sheer normality of it all. As Nick had said the night before, we hadn’t exactly gone about things in the usual way. The fact that we were going on a date, made it seem like finally things were changing. I could hopefully move on with my life, and put the past behind me. Wishful thinking, maybe – but I was trying to be positive about the cards I’d been dealt.

The other source of my nerves was, without a doubt, Nick himself. The very thought of him left me giddy, and we were stepping into unknown territory by going out like a normal couple. My nerves and anticipation had been ratcheting up all day, and so were at an all-time high when I made it home. The subject of my thoughts was at the gym with Jay and Mark, and I was glad of some time alone. Also, Mark had been texting me all day, being his generally irritating but adorable self. I was pretty sure he couldn’t text while lifting weights, so it gave me a reprieve. With my mind as crowded as it was, I found it difficult to hold a conversation for more than a short time. That conversation being with Mark made things that bit more difficult.

I had been present enough in my last class to know that I’d not only been given four awful looking graphic design briefs, but a four thousand word essay. I had intended to make a start after when I got home – I had hours to spare, after all – but for the life of me, I couldn’t make myself sit at my desk, so instead I channelled all my energy into cleaning, my mind turning all the while.

After a while though, I stopped glancing at the clock every five seconds, and my mind began to drift. Ryan was never far from my thoughts, so it wasn’t long before I started thinking about him, remembering him. I wanted so much for the pain to go away, but at the same time, I was terrified that I’d forget him; that my memories would slowly become more and more blurred until I was no longer able to conjure up an image of him in my mind. That thought was enough to make me stop what I was doing, close my eyes, and just focus on my breathing.

When I could no longer feel the sting of tears in my eyes, I continued cleaning the kitchen. I knew I should call my family – I wanted to, but I just wasn’t ready. Not quite. Truthfully, I didn’t even know what was stopping me, and I hated myself for it because I knew I was once again hurting the people I loved, but every time I picked up the phone, I just couldn’t do it.

I sighed and flicked my hair over my shoulder, checking the time again. It was safe to say that more than five seconds had passed, but I still had hours to go before we had to leave. So I did what any sane person would do and went to sleep…vaguely surprised that my brain shut up long enough for me to drift off into a thankfully dreamless slumber.

A few hours later, I experienced one of those perfect (but rare) moments, when you wake up mere seconds before your alarm starts to ring. I also woke with a smile on my face. I took that to be a good sign.