I Hope You Dance (Artemi Panarin)

Saturday Morning Cartoon Theory

Gabriella

"Hank! Hank please stop barking at the door" I whine. He continues his attack ignoring my pleads and I wasn't in the mood for a friendly visit from the upstairs neighbor again so I go to get him.

I walk over to the door and see a note on the floor. I look over to Hank who was now sitting quietly on the floor watching me waiting for me to do something with it.

"Well why didn't you say something" I tease and I swear that dog started to shun me.

I pick up the note and see it had some dog nose liquid on it. "Gross" I mumble trying to hold it upright so I could read it.

"Dear Gabriella Watson,
Being away for two weeks was terrible and I hate that it has to be a little while longer. But I want you to get some good sleep then we can grab breakfast first thing tomorrow morning. And before you ask, yes, you can bring Hank. I know he gave you this letter because he's such a good boy.
Come over to my place at 9. Dress super comfy and bring some tea.
Yours truly, Artemi Panarin."

At 9 am he next day I bring myself and my dog a few blocks down the street from my place. My hair in a messy bun on top of my head because honestly I didn't have time to do anything to it. The only thing I did this morning was brush my teeth and put on deodorant, that's what you get with four hours of sleep. It's progress but it's still not enough.

I knock on his door and wait patiently hoping Hank won't freak out. But as soon as that door handle turns Hank jumps on the door swinging it open. He runs in and jumps up and Artemi ends up on the floor. Hank licks his face over and over until I pull him off.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. He's usually not like this" I say helping Artemi off the floor as he tries to get the slobber off his face.

"It's okay, I kind of missed that" he laughs.

"Glad to know I wasn't the only one who really missed you" I admit.

"Speaking of" he says grabbing me and pulling me into his embrace. He takes no time pressing his lips to mine and I hate to admit how great that felt, even if he did smell like dog breath.

After a few second we break apart but he keeps me close. He kisses my forehead before bringing me into a full on hug. This is one of the reasons he was so important to me. This kind of affection that's too much yet just enough, it was beautiful in my eyes. We don't have to be kissing all the time, sometimes him just being here was just what I needed.

"Never leave me again" I whisper into his chest.

"You know I can't promise that" he tries.

"Never leave me like that again" I reiterate.

"Like what" he wonders.

"So confused and vulnerable and open-" I start.

"I had to tell you. I'm not sorry I said it" he defends.

"It sucks because it took you leaving me for me to realize that Artemi... I love you" I softly and he looks down at me. He studies my face closely searching for words to say.

"You don't have to say that" he insists.

"I don't have to, but I need to. I need you to know that you are everything to me. You are the reason I'm trying to get better. I've missed so much of my life trying to figure out what to do to fix me but I will look forever and never find a answer. But you, you love me broken and all and that's honestly the sweetest thing ever. You love my quirks and you learned how to turn them into these cool things. With you my anxiety is almost gone. I don't have to worry about what you might find out because you already know. I don't worry that you're going to hurt me because if you do you're also going to heal me. I mean you came to this strange new place and looked at this strange girl and said to yourself that you were going to love me. I wish I could put into words how much that means to me. My whole life I never thought I would be good enough, that there was always going to be something more than I can provide. But you loved me anyway.

You love me anyway" I whisper.

"I do. I didn't mean to, but I fell in love and I'm still falling" he claims.

"I hope you never land" I admit.

"Me either" he smiles.

After he cleans his face of dog saliva I help him make some breakfast. He bought some doggy bacon for hank so he could eat too. I don't come over often, he usually comes to my place because I feel safer there but usually when he travels a lot I just come over so he can be home for a little.

We make eggs and bacon and pancakes and sit down to eat. We sit at the tv and he turns it on to Cartoon Network.

"Are you watching cartoons" I ask.

"Okay, lets just something straight. Saturday morning cartoons are extremely important in my life" he insists.

"Okay... what do we have" I ask scooting closer to him. He wraps his arm around me making me feel so warm inside.

"This is loony tunes. One of the best shows of all time. We can watch space jam later but you'll want to watch this first" he explains.

"What is it about" I ask.

"Nothing really" he admits.

"And you watch this" I laugh.

"When I was a kid this stuff was hilarious. It's not as funny now but it's a classic" he defends.

"Okay, Okay. I'll give it a try" I insist.

About two hours later I find myself wiping tears from my face. I hated how much I loved that show. I feel like as a kid I would have loved this too. I would have had all the dvds and shirts. That is if I was ever a kid.

But I wasn't. I never had Saturday morning cartoons. I never woke up in the morning ready for the weekend. I never had my neighbors knocking on the door to ride bikes or play in the backyard. I never had breakfast with the people I love laughing my ass off at practically nothing. And I could never have that and it weighs heavy on my heart no matter how much I try to move on.

"Hey... are you okay" Artemi asks rubbing my arm.

"What? I mean yeah. I'm good" I smile.

"Are you sure" he asks.

"Yeah, lets watch another episode" I encourage.

We spend almost all day in our PJs watching cartoons. Whatever was on on demand at our disposal. And the whole time I got to be a kid for the first time, loving every second of it.