I Hope You Dance (Artemi Panarin)

Shining Star Theory

Artemi

"Please" I beg giving my best puppy dog eyes.

"No" Gabby giggles from across the table.

"Pretty please. Just one more time" I try.

"Fine" she huffs and a smile comes across my face.

She lets out a whistle so it sounds like a bird was in the restaurant causing everyone to look around again.

"I swear there's a bird in here" one says and we duck our heads into the booth we were occupying trying to hide the giggles.

"I can't believe I just did that" she laughs stuffing her face in her hands.

"This is by far the best date I have ever been on. You should have seen that lady's face" I shake my head.

"Ughhh" she groans and I smile big.

"I love you so much" I remind her.

"I love you too" she smiles.

We finish up without causing too much havoc and head into the city. We decide to walk around before we go our separate ways.

I walk down the quiet street with her hand in mine and I swing it back and fourth. Her grip on me is tight as the cool air beats her face.

"Aren't the stars beautiful" she asks and I look up.

"I guess so" I shrug.

"They're one of the things I love more than anything" she admits.

"Really? You don't even open your blinds" I remember.

"No, because in the dark you can create your own stars to see" she claims.

"Like what" I wonder.

"The darkness is tricky. For me it represents both good and bad. As a kid the darkness was all I knew, but I didn't have stars to light the way. It's was pitch black, nothing to see and nothing to do. I was simultaneously scared of the dark but also scared of the light. Usually the light meant I was either in trouble for making noise or my grandma was coming and I had to hunch down in the deepest parts of the closet so she didn't see me. So the dark was where I was safe, but also where I was lost in. Nowhere to go, you can't hide from it. It surrounds you and eventually enters you and it's scary at times.

But now the dark is my friend. It's the night sky waiting to be lit up with bright memories. In the dark the things I live most are illuminated and even during the day when I can no longer see the stars... I know their still there. Waiting to remind me that it's not all bad, it's not ever all bad. Though the stars don't cover much of the sky, it shows that even in the dark the good burns bright for us to see. I would be stupid not to see them. And they're beautiful, it's not much but they're there shining so bright to keep me going" she smiles.

I stare at her as she looks up to the stars in the sky. All of them reflect in her eyes as there wasn't a cloud in sight.

Suddenly I get this pain it my chest, it happens every time she says stuff like that. I thought I had a rough childhood, but her. She makes me look like a peewee hockey player in the nhl. She doesn't like talking about this stuff because I feel sorry for her and she hates talking about herself.

Then she says stuff like this that make me rethink everything I think I know. Nothing is just as it seems with her, there's always more to it. And as we sit under the same sky billions of other people find themselves under, she doesn't see it like everyone else does. She sees not what it is but what it means, and it takes a lot of broken pieces to be constructed like that. And I hate that she went through what she has... but I love what has become of it.

"If you'll be my star... I'll be your sky" I say and she finally stops looking up. Now she's finding the stars in my eyes as she steps closer. She caresses my face and it makes my legs go weak.

"Oh but you can't be the sky, for your the star that burns brighten than the sun in my life. Like a star, even when you're not around and I can't see you, you're always going to be there. Shining so bright that the darkness is no longer dark in a sense. It's a afterthought, now the talk is about this star that takes up all the space in the sky, making sure it's seen even on the darkest of nights. That star is you, Artemi. You're my star and my sky" she smiles.

I quickly press my lips to hers not wanting to waste another second of our time together before being apart. I needed her lips on mine, her fingers in my hair, her body against mine. I needed her like the stars needed the dark. And I was lucky to have her.

I drop her off at home and head back to my apartment. I toss my keys on the table and fall onto my couch. I run my fingers down my face and let out a long sigh. It was almost February and the season was wearing on me. There was a lot happening and I'm trying to keep up but it's hard. It's always hard.

I take a shower and put clothes out for tomorrow. We had practice then a game against the preds tomorrow so it was going to be a full day. Not that I don't love them, but I get tired every so often. But I'll get some sleep then eat a big breakfast tomorrow and I'll be ready to go.

My phone buzzed on the table and I groan. I swear if this is Patrick asking for the code to the gym because he forgot again...

*(1) New Message From Gabriella 💕 *

I smile and quickly unlock my phone.

Hey Artemi. Just wanted to let you know I was turning off my phone for tomorrow so I can clear my mind and just reset for a little. I'm sorry this is kind of random and abrupt but sometimes the darkness is too much and I need to listen to it. So I won't be at work and won't make it to your game, but I know you'll kick ass regardless.
Thank you for such a great date tonight, I had a wonderful time. I wanted to let you know that you are so important to me and I appreciate all the things you do. Thanks for listening when my heart speaks louder than my brain and I go on a tangent about stars and how the darkness is important in my life. I know I'm not the easiest person to be around, but you make it seem so easy. I love you so much, thanks for not giving up on me, on us. Keep shining bright.

I let a sigh pass my lips as I hold my phone in my hands. I wish I could fix her, I wish I could give her everything taken from her. But I can't, and it sucks. I can't make things better and it kills me inside. She doesn't deserve this, none of this. I just hope one day I can get her to see that this world is more then the black and white she sees in the stars.