I Hope You Dance (Artemi Panarin)

Golden Opportunity Theory

Gabriella

The Hawks were in the middle of a first round playoff series with the Blues. I got to meet Artemi's friend Vladimir and his family and hang out with them at games down in St. Louis. I don't know what it is about these Russian people, but I love them.

We were back in Chicago for a few days for game 6 and the Hawks were looking to force a game seven. It's been a back and fourth series so it's been keeping me preoccupied.

After the big show I continued to practice and train and continued to get pressured but the other dancers and instructors to listen to what Joffrey had told me after the recitial but I couldn't think about it. Thinking about it gave me anxiety beyond belief and I just wish he never said anything or that everyone would drop it.

I sit in my office as I go over my work I've done for today. I wrote down of my meetings I've had with clients and draw a little. Always go back to drawing.

By 1 all my work was done and uploaded and organized so I could go home.

I take a long hot shower and changed into shorts and one of Artemis t-shirts for the mean time. I sit on the couch in silence and stare at the blank tv. Hank comes up and could tell I was anxious so he lays his head in my lap. I pet his soft ears as we just sit there. I try to straighten things out in my head but I simply couldn't.

There's a knock on the door and I remain motionless in my place, but the knocks get heavier and I let out a sigh.

"Gabby, I know you're in there" Artemi yells.

I reluctantly get up and open the door. He stands there with some flowers in his hand and that makes me smile.

"What's wrong" he asks.

"What makes you think something is wrong" I wonder.

"Gabs we've been together for eight months, I know something is wrong" he claims.

"Come on in" I offer and he lets himself in. He finds a vase and fills it with water before tossing the flowers in there. He takes them to the living room and sets them on the table.

He grabs my hands and pulls me to the couch sitting us down. Hank returns to my side because he knows I've been going through it and I love that he's such a good dog.

"What's going on" Artemi finally asks.

"It's hard to talk about" I admit.

"I can tell. I feel like I haven't talked to you as much since the recital and I know you haven't been sleeping well either. I can always tell in the way I hold you. I don't know what's been making your anxiety and isolation so bad but I want to help" he insists.

"Joffrey offered me a full time dancing job" I start.

"Baby... that is amazing! That's incridible" he says.

"In New York..." I trail off and the room gets filled with silence.

"Oh" he whispers.

"We wants me to train there and do broadway and travel and Disney things. He wants me to work in his studio in New York starting at the end of summer" I explain.

"That's awesome baby" he says trying to give me his best smile but I know he didn't know what to do either.

"I'm not going" I insist and his face drops.

"Why not" he asks.

"My whole life I've been searching for a reason a reason I'm here, a reason why went through hell to continue this life as the person I am. And I found it... in you."

"I can't be the reason you don't reach for your dreams."

"You're my dream Artemi. The thought of living my life without you is a nightmare. And I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, like when I'm being distant like I have been lately. But every second I'm away from you I'm praying that you show up at my door with flowers begging for me to let you in. And you always do, you're always there for me. And if I'm in New York you won't be."

"This is bigger than me. I can't give you what this opportunity does. Baby I love you so much, I will always love you more than life itself. But you were meant to dance, everyone can see that. After all this shit life has put you through don't you think it's time people recognize the things about you that I have. This is a opportunity of a lifetime and you won't get a chance like this again, with or without me. It would be incredibly selfish for me to keep you here when you can be making so many people happy too."

"I don't care about them, I care about you."

"I care about you too. That's why I need you to do this. For you."

"And I need you" I sniffle.

He pulls me into his chest as I start to cry. He rubs my back as I try to stop the tears from coming but it was no use. I didn't want this conversation to happen because I knew he would want me to go. He supports my dreams just as I supports his and I know if he was to get traded I would follow him there. But he can't follow me to New York. Chicago needs him and he needs this city too. He needs to make his name and he could do it here.

"You know you should go" he whispers in my ear.

"I don't want to. I can't leave you. For years I've been searching for something that makes me so unbelievable happy. Something that I can get attached to and not get ripped away like so many other things in my life. For 23 years I was so afraid of commitment and branching out and I threw it all away to be with you. I've changed so much, if I lose you I lose this me too. I wouldn't even be at this moment in my life it wasn't for you. I more than happy staying here doing random little productions until I get tired of dancing. I don't care, I don't want to do this without you" I insist.

"Can you at least give it a chance? A month. For me" he begs.

"I... I don't know" I sigh.

"Listen. I will always be here waiting for you. But just like so many things you've tried for me that you didn't know you would like, you've gotta try this. You at least deserve the right to know that if you stay that you made the right choice. Not that you didn't try at all. As much as I hate the thought of not seeing you every day and being able to hold you, the thought of being the reason you skip out on this huge opportunity is even worse. I can't do that to you. So please, try" he insists.

"I'm going to miss you so much. Would we still together" I ask.

"Of course baby. There isn't a girl in this world that could replace you. I will face time you every day and try to make it to as many performances as possible. I'll send you flowers every week and never miss a chance to remind you how much I love you" he assures me.

"Okay... I guess I can try" I sigh.

"Really" he smiles.

"Yeah. It would be really cool to dance on broadway and learn from the best. See new places and try new things. I just... I don't want things between us to change" I insist.

"They won't. I know they won't. What we have is stronger than distance. I go away for trips all the time and we always make it through. Think of this as a really long trip" he tries.

"Thanks for caring. I know I haven't been easy to love recently, but it means the world that you're trying. I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this without you constantly prying at me" I laugh.

"You'll have Hank. He'll take good care of you" he assures me.

"I sure hope so."