I Hope You Dance (Artemi Panarin)

Dancing Shoes Theory

Gabriella

"Hello Jonathan, how are you today" I ask as he sits down across from me.

"We're back to the whole Jonathan thing" he asks. "We hang outside of here and you're friends with my girlfriend, I think I can at least get a Jon or a Jonny" he claims.

"Hello Jonny" I reiterate and he smiles.

"I'll take it" he laughs.

"How have you been" I wonder while I grab out is files.

"I've been good. The family was down last week for a while so it was nice to see them again" he says.

"That's good to hear" I smile.

"How have you been? How was your Valentine's Day" he wonders.

"I've been well. I had a amazing Valentine's Day, thank you for asking" I nod.

"So..." he trails off.

"So..." I repeat.

"Well usually a person goes into detail about their experience when asked about it" he claims.

"You didn't ask about what I did, you asked how it was where I responded good" I explain. He just looks at me before laughing.

"You are truly one of a kind" he claims.

"So I've been told" I mumble.

We get our meeting started and talked about change. The pros and cons and what it means for us now and in the future. Like always he listens closely and always ask questions. Sure they're not always on topic but I answer anyway.

"Can I ask you another question... you don't have to answer if you don't want to" he assures me. And the only thing I am assured is that I'm not going to like this question.

"Sure" I reply not really sure if that was a good idea.

"What made you like this? You know... so intelligent and straight forward. Lindsey told me about what happened last month at the game where you looked like you were going to pass out and I know there's more to you than you let on. You're not just some pretty girl who woke up one day with the ability to help people like you do. Something had to have happened to make you this way" he claims.

I stare at him as tears threaten to fall. I choke them back because I promised never to cry in front of anyone. Not because I'm afraid to show weakness or let him know that I'm sad, but because I don't want those feelings to come up and me just break down right here.

"Have you heard about those few kids who are so unfortunate enough to be left alone at the beginning stages of their life, so unloved, so untaken care of because they were seen as some mistake. Like caged animals walking around in their own urine and feces. No idea how to communicate to people or eat with a fork?"

"I read about them in school forever ago."

"And what do you remember about those kids?"

"That they're scared of everything. So unfamiliar with life and how it works. It takes them longer to learn how to read and write and do normal human things."

"You're right. But it's more than that."

"Are you... are you one of those kids" he asks slowly. I feel my throat tighten telling me not to tell him any more. But Jonathan was a great guy, he lives up to the stories they say about him. I know I can trust him with my life.

"I am. For six years I lived in a closet in the basement of my house. A major mistake hidden away from my grandmother. A product of her husband and her daughter, a discrace to the outside world. Just a sad excuse for a human rotting in dark wet closet with nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast lunch and dinner. No bathroom, no light, no freedom. Just me and some toys and a few changes of clothes."

"I'm sorry, but I just didn't peg you as someone who had a troublesome upbringing."

"Because I'm not that same person who was back then. I learned how to walk, to talk, to read and to write. I separated myself from my family because I don't believe in hate, but when it comes to them that's as close as I'll ever get. And I try to leave my past in the past but it's hard. So many problems follow me and... and I don't know why I'm telling you this" I sigh.

"Maybe you want help the same way you help other people" he suggests.

"Maybe, but I'm too introspective to admit that" I admit.

"I think you just did..." he trails off. I look up as he looks through me with those deep brown eyes.

"I think so too" I sigh.

Eventually he leaves and I head home. Artemi was already there waiting for me by the fire place. He hands me a cup of tea and I sit next to him.

"How was work" he asks.

"It was hard, I'm not going to lie" I admit.

"Want to talk about it" he asks and I look at him.

"I'm not sure" I claim.

"I think you do" he insists.

"I guess I just came to the realization that everything isn't okay. I keep telling myself that it is but it's not true. And I don't want something to be wrong with me because what if I can't fix it? What if what happened to me was just how it's supposed to be? What if... what if I wasn't meant to be happy" I whisper that.

"Are you happy" he asks.

"I am" I assure him.

"Then you're right where you need to be" he claims. I turn to him with a smile and he gives me one back. His eyes sparkle as the fire burns slowly behind him. He was my happiness. I know that for sure.

"Do you want to know a secret" I ask really hoping to change the subject. 

"Yes" he nods.

"I've always wanted to be a ballet dancer. To be seen as art in motion" I explain.

"I can see you being a dancer" he claims.

"Really" I ask.

"Yeah, you make everything you do beautiful. You have a great dancing body and you learn things really quickly. I feel like you would be a great dancer, you should do it" he insists.

"Dancers train their whole life. I can't just up and decide to dance"I defend.

"Yes you can, if you let yourself."

"I don't even know where to start."

"At the beginning. One step at a time" he insists.

"It's not that easy."

"A very intelligent and amazing girl once told me that you can't go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start now and make a new ending" he smirks.

"At least I know you listen to me" I tease.

"I'm serious. I think you should do it" he says.

"Okay, I'll do a few classes. Only if you do them with me" I say and his eye grow big.

"You want me to do ballet with you" he asks.

"Yeah! It'll be fun. Pleaaaaase" I beg.

"Fine. I'll go just so you can dance" he says.

"Thank you" I smile.

"I love you" he reminds me.

"I love you too" I reply.