little sis - j.g

1.9

edited
friday, october 1
jack gilinsky

as i was on my way home, i replayed what my words will be. what will i say, how i will say it, what will happen if she comes back with something. victoria is the love of my life, and for the past eleven months or so, my negative and rude behaviour towards her is something that has emotionally killed me.

although my career and relationship were both on the line, i should've been a better boyfriend and stopped what happened sooner. i pulled into the driveway and opened the garage, parking my car.

"hey" victoria smiles as i walk inside, not standing up to hug or kiss me, nor looking up from her phone. the same as it's been the past year or so.

"hey, lemme go get changed. then can we finish our talk?" i ask her, nervousness growing inside.

she nods, "yeah. is it that important?"

"yeah" i respond as i run upstairs.

i quickly get changed, returning downstairs shortly. victoria is sitting on the couch, and i sit beside her.

"what i was, and am, going to tell you is going to be hard... it was hard enough the past year of this, and if i could take it all back, i would. just know that. it was wasn't something easy to hide from you, nor was it easy to go along with" i begin, victoria's face emotionless as i speak, "you mean the whole world to me, even though i've hardly done anything to prove that. numerous times i was ready to throw it all away, this whole thing that was happening, but in the end i'd also be throwing our relationship away."

realizing i didn't have the papers of the proof, i stood and walked to the kitchen and opened a drawer we hardly use. i pulled out my proof and walked back to her.

"shortly after i quit the tour with the boys last year, management wasn't happy. they all said that you were the reason i did that, and that you were ruining my career. when they said that, i got overprotective and lashed out at them. they gave me a decision. it was either staying with them and having an agreement, or leaving them and working under the circumstances the new management gave me. they threatened they'd put in a bad word about me if i changed managers, and they could easily make it very hard for me to do well as an artist" i explain, handing the papers over to her, "the agreement they gave me after i agreed to stay was what you're holding in your hands. it said that i was able to stay with you, but it had to look like we were having problems. i had to look fake when out with you, and unhappy coming home. i also had to party, pretend to hook up with girls, and be out of the house as much as possible."

"okay, wait. if management made you do this, then why couldn't you at least be kind to me at home? in the privacy of your own home, jack?" victoria asks, tears forming in her eyes, "you essentially put me through hell. i never understood what i could've done wrong, or what changed in your life. every day or night you were out, i was scared for you to come home because i never knew what state you'd be in. i never knew if you'd be angry, happy, or bland. some of times you'd come home drunk, and i swear i'd thought you were about to physically hurt me. that's not the way you ever like before."

her point is valid, and i nod when she's finished.

"sometimes i was drunk or high, therefore i didn't know what i was doing. and yeah, i could've told you at home, but i didn't want you to have to play along in this. and i didn't want to act normal and kind to you at home, and then you suddenly have to deal with my mood swing when we'd go out. i felt like that would almost be playing you. i didn't want that. i didn't want any of this, for fuck sakes" i sigh and run my hand through my hair, "but, management made me go along with this or else they'd ruin my career. once i found out what the agreement was, i wanted to so badly back out. but i didn't know how. johnson knew about it since we're in a combined contract. he was always out with me wherever i went to party and whatnot, making sure i didn't leave with another girl or anything. he made sure even though this whole thing was twisted, that i did stay loyal to you when i was high or drunk."

"so, is this agreement over?" victoria questions.

that is one of the questions i didn't want her to ask. the one question that stings my heart the most.

"that's the thing, it's not. if i end it before it's over, then im let go. unless you want me to, then i will" i tell her sadly.

she shakes her head, "no way. i don't want you to jeopardize your career, jack. you've worked way too hard to do that."

"are you sure? i can't stand what this agreement is anymore" i say stressfully, laying my head in my hands as my elbows rest on my knees.

victoria's feet are heard walking over to me, as she removes my elbows from my knees and my hands from my face. she straddles my lap as i look into her eyes.

"i've missed this" i state.

"so have i" she smiles, leaning in to kiss my cheek, "i missed your normal attitude."

my smile fades at her words, "im sorry for how i treated you."

"don't worry about it, jack. we all make mistakes, but this one will benefit you" she smiles, leaning in to kiss me on the lips. this time it's not quick, but it's passionate and slow. we take our time and enjoy ourselves, taking in the moment.

"wanna go out tomorrow?" i ask her, playing with the end of her long hair that end at her lower back.

she nods and smiles, "i'd love to act in public."

"just act normal, i guess. im sorry for how it's going to be" i say for the third or fourth time.

"hey" she sympathetically says, "it's okay. we'll get through it. we did when i didn't know, now that i know, it'll be totally fine."

"i don't deserve you" i state.

victoria laughs, "i don't deserve you. how much longer is this agreement going to be happening for, anyway?"

"three more weeks" i reply. she nods understandingly.

i love my girl.