Touch; Ticci Toby X Reader

C. 09

This went on for a while. He eventually left, she didn't look away from his figure until he poured into the forest, disappearing from her sight. Even then, her eyes burned the spot where he just stood.

Toby... It's a nice name. That's her last thought before exhaustion cripples her body and she opens her arms to the sleep awaiting her.

***

Months have gone by and Y/N was slowly starting to feel just a bit happier. Just barely enough for her to recognize.

These four walls still closed her in, her eating habits were still bad, her disorders and panic attacks are still problems yet she is feeling droplets of sweetness granted to her by life consume her. She loves it.

But this happiness she was feeling will never last.

Horror rips her eyelids open.

Her body is drenched in a thin layer of cold sweat, her mind swimming in unforgotten waves of pulsing pain. Her eyes slowly settle on the blackness that seems to never dissolve.

Toby is staring at her.

Y/N is breathing hard and she manages to heave herself upright against the metal bed frame of her bed. She pulls her blanket closer to her body, she is shivering so much from the cold someone might think she was scared.

When she sees Toby looking at her, she tries to smile but her expression remained pained and she frowns.

It is too dark to exchange notes back and forth. So she simply leans forward, the tip of her nose brushing the cold window. Her eyes are deep, endless holes where she was falling relentlessly. She needs someone to pull her out and she needs someone to save her before she falls away too far.

Toby folds his arms and rests his head. His eyes, were unreadable most of the time.

He is a mystery she wants to solve.

***

It's snowing today, the moon bright against dark gray clouds.

She likes the moon.

It never leaves. It's always there, watching, in the light and the dark moments.

Every day it is a different version of itself. Sometimes weak in light and wan. Sometimes strong and full of bright silver moonlight.

She stares out the window for so long she forgets herself, forgets she is locked inside away from the world.

She wants to put her fist right through the window. Even for a second, she wants to feel the embrace of the cold winter air, she wants snowflakes to decorate her hair and melt on her face from contact. She wants a lot of things.

Just to feel something, anything.

Just to feel human.

Yet nobody wants to risk getting too close.

Her eyes flutter up at the darkened gray sky. The sky leaves a white blanket of snow over the once yellow and green field.

The willow tree, bare of all branches and has begun to rot, pine trees are shelves holding snow and seemed it would all come hurtling off the pine needles if someone brushed their fingers across the bark of the tree.

She spots Toby walking out of the forest, as usual. She watches him walking closer to the window for a few more seconds then pulls out her notebook along with her pen.

It's strange to have someone to talk to her. Even through the small window. No one has cared for so long, no one has ever treated her as an equal and not just like some crazy insane girl. It's nice. She wonders how long this will last until he is gone.

It starts with a hello from him. She almost forgets to answer, her gaze is on his hair that was covered in snow. His visible nose a rosy color.

What's it like? Outside? She writes down, turns her notebook to him.

His eyebrows furrow. It takes him a few heartbeats to answer. He glances into her eyes, then starts to write a reply.

Refreshing.

Y/N almost smiles. Almost. Her eyes smile, filled with light and envy, her eyes blinking at him curiously.

Toby writes again.

How long have you been here?

His question surprises her. He has never asked of her life or how she has gotten here. She almost doesn't answer him but she pushes through her discomfort and decided to answer all of his questions.

Her expression turns heavy as she writes.

3 years. I haven't been outside in 3 years.

He studies her expression, his eyes slightly wide. Barley enough to notice. Almost baffled.

Why are you here?

Y/N tries not to dwell on her answer, decides to make it short and simple. Hopefully, this doesn't scare him away, she muses with false humor.

My disorders. I'm insane.

He seems to be thinking, his hand doesn't move to write. His eyes are glued to her like she was an old friend.

You're not insane.

The edges of her mouth raise to a soft, sincere smile. Her eyes are gentle pools of warmth. That is the kindest thing anyone has said to her for a long time.

Toby looks at her stunned, he seems to be taken by surprise before he quickly regains his original blank expression.

She hasn't smiled for 3 years.

She feels human again. But she knows for sure, that this will never last.