Fifty Shades Of Sophia

Chapter Eighteen- "I Can't Do This."

Chapter Eighteen

"I Can't Do This."

Sophia's Point Of View            

            My thoughts of sorrow completely wrapped around my brain, pulling me into a state of complete and utter depression. I’ve never felt so broken or destroyed. Everything we’ve ever worked for to build up our trust and our love has just crumbled right at our feet and there wasn’t anything we could do to fix it, reminding me of glass. When glass shatters you can always piece it back together but you will always see the cracks that it formed. No matter how much glue you put on it, you will always see it and there’s nothing you can do to completely fix it. That’s what our love reminded me of except our glass probably had thousands of cracks, each one just hanging on by a thread before coming un-glued. It looks like it had finally shattered.

            Twisting around in my uncomfortable seat at the airport, I tried to close my eyes and get some more sleep but it was useless. All I could see was our memories floating around from the past year, some good and some bad. Thankfully there were more good ones than bad ones.

            I had decided that I was going to go back to New York and stay with Carina. I called her late last night once I got here and she was more than accepting of me visiting, making me feel like even more shit for not being there for her with the whole Ben thing. I received multiple texts from Justin starting off that he was sorry and that he would do anything to take it back, to him becoming angrier that I had left, which was expected.

My flight was scheduled to take off in a half hour and after sleeping at the airport all night I was more than ready. The gate was starting to get more and more people the closer the time got and then I realized that I was getting closer and closer to leaving Justin forever.

            I felt like a part of me had just disappeared. Over the last year Justin has been with me practically every single second of the day and so now that I have to live my life without him it just doesn’t seem normal. It feels like I’m missing a part of my soul. 

            Our memories. I remember the date he took me on when he got back from tour on top of the roof in New York City. I remember him twirling me around and feeling completely in love with him. I remember our sex, how passionate and how crazy we were about each other. Then I remember him talking to my parents from a couple of weeks ago at the graveyard. I remember thinking that he was the only person that will ever make me feel this happy. What am I going to do now? I don’t know how to live without him. I can’t be alone, I don’t know how to…

            Feeling myself become flooded with emotion, I ran to the nearest bathroom and let the bile escape from my throat that I’ve been holding in the whole night. I was so stressed out I felt like I was dying. My body caved in once I was finished and I let my sobs escape into the disgusting stall of an airport public restroom.

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            “Come here.”

            I dropped my suitcase onto the wooden floor of the familiar apartment and embraced Carina with the biggest hug I could possibly give. Now that I was here it hit me how much I’ve missed her and this city. Maybe it was because of everything that happened, but I couldn’t handle much more.

            Her nails gently ran up and down my back as I let my sobs pour onto her t-shirt. We’ve had many experiences like this over the past year, all of them being about Justin. It’s kind of sad that we had to repeat this yet again.