edwin. the name sounded so familiar yet so distant as it rolled off of y/n's tongue slowly. she wanted to say something to him just out of generosity considering the fact that she's never seen him say a word to anyone that's come in contact with him, not that there were many. people tended to avoid him because of his seemingly irregular features and habits.
these habits that y/n came to pick up on without noticing. like how whenever he was surrounded by a handful of peers he would draw his fingers up to his face just to bite the little bit of fingernails he had left or whenever he would respond to a question he'd write it on paper. y/n believed he only did such action because he was shy and wanted to avoid speaking but little did she know there was a reason behind it all. edwin wasn't shy at all, he was cornered. he wasn't quiet, he just didn't speak.
the way edwin would describe it is essentially, his thoughts spoke louder then his mouth ever could. the constant bickering surfacing the insides of his skull were loud; too loud for his liking. he lived inside a mansion that we as people label as our head but the difference is that everyday people can leave, take a breather, exit there caved in home whereas edwin was trapped. there was no exiting, he is there forever. maybe the metaphor is too intense or overrated but when putting it in the eyes of the male, it seemed just right.
speaking was an everyday necessity for the average teen whether it was to a friend or even to a parent. but what a lot of kids in edwin's school failed to realize was that he didn't have that luxury. he couldn't go up to his classmates and have a causal conversation with them because of this sickening curse that's been placed on him, metaphorically of course. all he's ever wanted to do is express his love for a various amount of things without having to take pencil breaks because his fingers begin to hurt. his father always told him it was a gift; that it humbles him out and allows him to appreciate the greater things in life but how could it help him appreciate things when he feels like he's trapped inside a box, thoughts constantly drowning out the sounds of reality.
depression. a topic and subject he likes to avoid. hearing the word alone channels a world of anger that cannot be tamed. he isn't depressed and he repeats that in his head repeatedly every day hoping it would somehow convince himself that it wasn't true. he doesn't want to be sad in fact he hates being emotionally vulnerable. he tried explaining to his therapist that he isn't sad all the time, he's just numb.
so numb to the point where all his facial features are at rest and his body feels as if it's lifting from gravity. sometimes, he explains to his therapist, he even can feel his soul leaving his body. because he opened up about this feature, he thought that maybe he and his therapist would gain a better connection now that she was actually getting inside of a part of his head but all that did was cause her to prescribe another medication for him.
apparently he was mentally collapsing. but what did mentally collapsing even mean? to edwin it meant falling, but cautiously. it meant he wasn't getting better. it meant he was still 'mentally ill'. it meant y/n wouldn't love him because after all, who would love a broken boy? his hooded eyes grazed her figure as it seemingly got closer to his own. his name fell off of her lips once more as she held eye contact with the male. soon enough she was beside him which in a sense suffocated him.
"you okay?" edwins thoughts caught themselves in his throat not being sure how to answer her question correctly. he picked up his pencil hesitantly while not even taking the time to glance in her direction. his hands forced him to write the three lettered word on his notebook that laid open beside him.
yes.
tears began to form in the brink of his eyelids looking down at the word. he wasn't okay but he was too ashamed to admit that. he held in his emotions declaring internally that he was being too vulnerable. his mind repeatedly threw 'stop it' around his head for better convincing. edwin felt a warm tear run down his cheek soon dropping onto the almost blank page creating a damp spot.
"no you're not" she whispered so that only he could hear. biting her lip softly, she reached downward to grab edwins hand in her own as a comforting gesture. "it's okay not to be okay"
"how about we go outside to get some air?" y/n always found a way to spot him from out of the crowd and today she happened to see how oddly down he seemed. his head shook slightly agreeing to her statement before he kicked his seat backwards to stand from his chair. his hands gripped tightly onto y/n's as she attempted to let loose of his grip showing that he didn't want her to let go. once he realized what he had done he looked up at her taking the time to admire how stunning she looked. she sent a smile his way grabbing onto his notebook and pencil ready to allow him to release.
depression. a mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities
depression. something he never thought he would get over
depression. something y/n contributed to ending
a/n
if you are ever sad please dm me, if you ever feel like ending your life please call 1-800-273-8255. that number is a national suicide prevention hotline. it is available 24 hours a day.
on to a lighter topic, are you shy? a lot of people seem to think im shy when in reality i don't consider myself to me💀. if I see someone i want to talk to, i will. if i see something i want to do, i do it. i guess it has to deal with me moving around a lot and having to make new friends every once in a while
oh!
I forgot to mention the no more music video yesterday!!!!!!!
y'all, my men were looking like full course meals
the video had so much diversity & i love it soooo much
wow, i want that video to be played at my funeral, good bye
opinions?
