Shawn Mendes one shots

Hold On (trigger warning)

Hearing someone you love cry is probably the worst sound in the world. To be honest, hearing her cry was the worst kind of pain, I had ever experienced. Nothing compared to it and I doubt nothing was ever going to. I felt her pain whenever she lost it like this. I felt it deep inside my chest. With every fibre of my being. With every dense heartbeat. I felt it each step of the way. Hearing her desperate yet sore cries from the other side of the shut door, knowing I couldn't stop the hurt she was carrying around, absolutely killed me inside. For each sob that echoed from her mouth, my sank just a little further into my gut.

I slammed my shut fist into the locked bathroom door in a moment of rage, hoping for some sort of reaction from her. But nothing; she gave me nothing.

Silence.

I knew it didn't help the situation by getting angry but the I couldn't turn off the frustration pumping through my veins nor did I have any control over the desperation that rushed down my spine. I had never felt so helpless as I did in this moment and it was killing me.

I let my forehead rest against the cold door, fighting the tears pressing on while forcing a deep breath into my aching lungs. Even the air tasted sour. My heart was pounding roughly against my chest and no matter how much I tried ignoring the nagging feeling from the panic taking more control as the seconds passed, I couldn't get myself to stop. My entire body felt heavy, sore even.

"Please unlock the door." I begged her again. My voice cracked over at the end, but I refused to let the tears win.

Silence.

"Open the goddam door." I screamed, giving the door one hard punch. A sharp pain spread from my knuckles to my fingers, but it was the only way to release the frustration that was making my body vibrate.

"Go away Shawn, I'm fine."

"You're not fine." I screamed at her through the door. "Goddam it."

I felt the anger rushing through my veins, slowly but surely, heating up my body. I started banging on the door, begging her to open, begging her to let me in.

It took a while, but a few moments later, I heard her unlock the door. She didn't open it, she didn't speak but she knew, I wasn't going to stop until she did. She knew, she had to face me at some point and she knew, I was too stubborn to give in.

This was probably the only time my stubbornness has ever been an advantage.

I hurried to push the door open and as I caught her dark shadow, I felt my heart shatter inside my chest. A sickening feeling spread in my stomach as a lump appeared in my dry throat.

She was sitting on the white bathroom floor with her back turned towards me. Her body had sunk together and she barely had the strength to hold herself up properly. She looked so tiny to me, fragile. Her heavy head was hidden in her palms as her loud sobs rang in my ears. It blackened my eyes to see her like this, defeated.

As much as she tried strangling her desperate cries, they still slipped out of her trembling lips and echoed in the dim room. With every teardrop falling from the tip of her nose and down to the floor, she fell in deeper and deeper. Slipped further and further away for me to reach her.

I had only seen her like this once before, but I barely even remembered that day. It was - until this day - the worst day of my entire life.

I think my brain had somehow repressed the memory of finding her on the bed that night; I hardly remembered her limp body, shut eyes and pale lips.

But then again, I wasn't actually a picture I wanted anywhere near my head. I had put that horrible night in a little box, and I had hid it somewhere in the back of my mind, never wanting to open it again. I never wanted to touch it again, think about it again, deal with it again. That night simply didn't exist to me anymore.