Baby, please wake up (line blurb)

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"Baby please wake up, you promised you wouldn't do this again. Baby please, wake up"

"Baby please wake up, you promised you wouldn't do this again. Baby, please just open your eyes for me" I begged once again, as if he could actually hear it.

I wanted to scream at him, grab his shoulders and shake some life into his heavy body just laying there. Hell, if he wasn't already fighting for his life, I would kill him myself for doing this to me.

To all of us.

The short second of pure anger washed off again and I was back to being devastated, numb.

"Baby please, just wake up. Come back to me, please" I embraced his heavy hand harder, planting a tiny kiss on his cold knuckles, letting my lips carefully brush against them.

Shawn's entire body was scaringly cold, too cold.

Usually, Shawn always had warm hands – I remember how I always held them whenever I was freezing because he always managed to heat me up – but today, they were unfamiliar cold.

I stroked his fingers desperately, trying to get some heat in them, but nothing I did made them any warmer.

This wasn't right.

The tears had stopped running down my aching cheeks by now, but my eyes felt sore and heavy. I watched Shawn's pale face as the machine beside us continuingly helped him breathe.

His lips were dry and out of colour, his hair was flat and brittle – the nurse hadn't even managed to wash all the blood out if it - and that glow he usually had around him was gone.

Usually, Shawn had so much life written all over his face; but now he almost looked like a ghost to me.

Honestly, I could barely even recognize him. His lip had a massive cut and the seven stiches across his forehead were swollen and still bleeding a little. The bruises covered half of his neck and went further down his broad chest but I couldn't get myself to look at them. It hurt too much.

Biting my lip hardly, once again fighting the tears, I reached out and let my hand run through his hair as gently as I possibly could. I was too scared to touch him properly; too scared to hold him to my aching chest or wrap my arms around his heavy body. He seemed too fragile. I leaned in and let my nose stroke his white, cold cheek, shutting my eyes in pain as the nagging feeling deep inside continued to grow bigger with every second passing by.

"You promised me you were done driving and snapchatting, you promised me it was over. Never again, remember" I whispered, hearing my own fragile voice crack over at the end.

My tears reached the surface of my eyes again and the lump appeared back in my dry throat as I felt the air escaping my lungs, leaving me suffocating behind.

The thought of losing Shawn did that to me, it suffocated me slowly.

I knew his heart was beating – I mean, I could see his chest moving – but I also knew it wasn't his body doing it. I knew the noisy machine kept him alive at the moment.

He was slipping further away from me every second that passed by and it scared me to death. Imagining my life without Shawn; it scared me to death.

Would I ever hear another one of his I love yous? Would I ever watch his eyes light up, when Aaliyah made him proud? Would I ever get to look into his eyes and see him looking back?

My stomach turned and the sickness spread just by thinking about it. Honestly, the thought was too much to bare.

I let my free hand slip to his bare chest, pressing my palm against his skin. I felt his uneven heartbeat against my palm, it forced me to close my eyes again.

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