How to Break a Heart (To be published by LIB)

Twenty-Seven

Arron

There are exactly two ways to learn how love works: The easy way, and the hard way.

And I think I just learned my first lesson the hard way. I fell and I bled. I took a risk to fall in love with someone and it only brought me an inconceivable pain.

The ache penetrated from the first wall down to the last, spreading through the roots as it burned every spaces in my heart, not even daring to miss a single speck.

So this is what getting heart broken feels like.

All the heart that I’ve broken, the tears from different girl that I caused. I didn’t know that it would be as painful as this. To have your heart manhandled by the one you entrusted it with.

Wow. I just realized how big of a jerk I was.

Maybe this is why I’ve always had a knee-jerk reaction whenever I hear the word love. Because I don’t want to get hurt. I guess that’s the perks when you’ve seen your mother in pain when your own father, the person who should be loving your mother with all of his capacity, ruined her inside and out. I’ve witnessed how she drowned in misery when she found out that my father was wedded. She was devastated when she uncovered how he made her look like nothing but a fool.

I was there when she cried every night. I was there when she spaced out, thinking of different what ifs and every what should haves. I witnessed her every grief, her wails–pleads to make the pain stop. She remained strong for me, her son, even if all she wanted to do was break and give up. She loved him with all of herself but he just broke her in return. It was love that made her weak, she said it herself. And now that I’ve felt love, I also felt weak.

To love is to be vulnerable, after all.

When you love someone, you give them your heart without any reservation. You give them the decision whether they want to break it or make it. Because when you love someone, your heart won’t be yours anymore. It’ll be theirs to keep.

And when they decide to break your heart, you won’t have a say in it but you’ll always be welcome to cry.

Kanina pa tapos ang pag-uusap ni Allie at ang kausap niya pero hindi pa rin ako umalis sa kinatatayuan ko. I was too stunned to move and take a step. It’s like I wanted her to see me. I want her to know that I already know.

“Hindi ako tsismoso. But since I already said I’m making you my business–why do you want to break up with Dominic? From what I can see, the boy is completely in love with you.” I rolled my eyes at the last four words because it was pathetic–and disgusting.

“Minsan kailangan mo lang talagang bumitaw para hindi siya lalong masaktan.” I got quiet, trying to psycho-analyze her but she was too concealed–too secured to be read.

“You fell out of love?” no answer.