How to Break a Heart (To be published by LIB)

Forty-Four

Allie

Nagising ako nang maramdaman kong kumirot ang ulo ko. I reached for it and pain shot through my arms next. I opened my eyes when I realized that the pain is familiar. I tried to stood up but my back suddenly hurts too. My limbs started aching next until I can't afford to move anymore.

I shrieked and called for my mommy. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi umiyak. Narinig ko na bumukas ang pinto sa kwarto ko pero hindi ko nagawang tumingin kung sino iyon dahil masakit talaga ang buong katawan ko.

I don't know when I fainted, pero naririnig ko pa rin ang boses ni Mommy at Daddy who are attempting to tell me that everything will be okay. This is the fourth time that this happened to me and they never failed to say how much they love me. Umiiyak si Mommy habang si Daddy naman ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa. He's probably calling.

I'm not going to die yet. Yun ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. Sunod pumasok sa utak ko si Arron and how I still want to see him. I still want to kiss him on the cheek and tell him how I'm proud of him for winning last night's race. I still want to hold his hand and walk with him anywhere at night. I want to hug him and tell him that I don't want to give up yet. I want to kiss him breathless and tell him how much I love him again and again.

I still want to hear him laugh about something I did-no matter how annoying it is, no matter how I hated it when he laughed at me. Gusto ko pang marinig na inaasar niya ako. I still need to hear him call me kitten.

My eyes fluttered. Naramdaman ko iyon pero hindi ko pa ito maidilat. He is my anchor. The reason why I'm still here and fighting. I was dying to wake up. I was dying to live.

At least enough time to kiss him goodbye.

The first thing I saw is a very bright light. I squinted my eyes a little to adjust with the room's brightness. The first thing I heard was a familiar machine's beeping sound, something that I only hear when I'm in a hospital. The next thing was my mommy, calling my name. "Allie, can you hear me?" yun ang unang narinig ko. I want to tell her no, I can't hear her-just for the heck of it but I couldn't speak yet. It's like there's something wrong with my throat.

"Can you see me?" I wouldn't even know that my eyes are already opened if I didn't blink at the sound of my mother's voice.

"Mommy." I cringed at the pain that crawled in my throat when I tried to speak. I almost didn't hear myself say anything. It came out husky and like a soft whisper but it made my mother burst into tears.

Biglang lumapit si Mommy sa akin at niyakap ako nang mahigpit. I couldn't hug her back since I still feel weak and her arms are wrapped around my body so I couldn't move my arms. Lumakas ang paghagulgol ni Mommy habang yakap-yakap ako.

"You're okay, sweetie. You're okay." masayang umiiyak na sinabi ni Mommy sa akin. Despite how frail I feel, I still managed to smile. This only shows how much my mother loves me. Gusto ko rin umiyak pero masyado akong pagod para gawin iyon. Pakiramdam ko ay nagbuhat ako for one week at walang hintuan. Hindi ako hingal but I am really exhausted.

Humiwalay sa akin si Mommy at matapos ay hinawakan ang magkabilang braso ko. Tiningnan niya ako mula noo hanggang dibdib, kung saan man abot ang tingin niya. Her tears were still falling pero hindi pa rin maalis ang masayang ngiti sa mga labi niya.

"May masakit ba sa'yo, anak? Tell mommy, does it hurt anywhere? Are you feeling any pain?" gusto kong matawa sa pag baby talk na gainagawa sa akin ni mommy pero hangin lang talaga ang lumabas mula sa akin. Daig ko pa ang minalat sa sakit nang nararamdaman ko sa lalamunan ko.

"Allie, baby, Dad is here. Are you feeling okay?" si Daddy naman ang nagsalita. They are really acting weird kaya gusto ko sila tawanan. Sinubukan kong ngitian si Daddy at iangat ang kamay ko to give him a thumb up. It came out weak but they were relieved to know that I was okay.