How to Break a Heart (To be published by LIB)

Forty-Six

Allie

It has been exactly three days since Arron got into an accident and fell into a deep coma. Limang araw na ang nakakalipas. I was already discharged from the hospital and almost marked as healthy. They’re still taking tests and giving me medicines. Hindi na iyon gamot katulad ng dati na may matinding side effects.

Waiting for good news is hard. Lalo na at wala pa ring magandang improvement sa kalagayan ni Arron. Kung mayroon man ay maliliit na bagay lang. Like some of his bruises are slowly fading.

Naubos ko na ang lahat ng luha ko tuwing gabi at pumupunta naman ako sa hospital na magang-maga ang mga mata. I kept on praying for Arron’s safety. I prayed Arron’s life in God’s hand. I wished that he’ll finally wake up and be with me.Nakita ko na rin nung minsan ang father ni Arron. Tita Julia introduced me to him pero hindi ko magawang maging mabait o magalang sa paningin niya kaya mas pinili ko na lang na maging tahimik at hindi magsalita. I figured that it’ll be unfair to Arron kung papansinin ko ang father niya, and that’s what I told them as an excuse.Tinanggap naman nila iyon.

Some of our blockmates came to visit pero hindi naman sila pinapapasok sa loob dahil nga sa kondisyon ni Arron. Until they stopped visiting and just asks for updates.

Lumapit na rin sa akin si Frannie. It was the second day and I can remember how hard she was crying that day.

“I’m sorry, Allie. I’m really sorry.” pag-iyak nito.

“Why are you saying sorry?” tanong ko kay Frannie and that made her cry more. Lumapit siya sa akin at umiyak nang umiyak. She even buried her face on my shoulder kaya nababasa ang damit ko sa pag-iyak na ginagawa niya.

“I’m the reason why Arron is here. Kung hindi ko sana siya tinawagan, hindi siya maaksidente.” alam ko na si Frannie ang tumawag kay Arron para sabihin ang tungkol sa kalagayan ko pero ni-minsan o ni-isang beses ay hindi pumasok sa utak ko na sisihin siya sa nangyari kay Arron.

“Shush. Frannie, don’t talk non-sense. Hindi mo kasalanan.” and it really wasn’t. She isn’t the one to blame.If anyone would ask me, I would give all the blame to the truck driver. I badly want to kahit alam kong mali. Wala naman akong ibang masisisi. I want to pick point anyone para malaman ko kung kanina ako dapat magalit. I can’t blame Frannie dahil wala siyang kasalanan, that’s why the truck driver is the good choice to blame.

I heard Arron’s father already filed a lawsuit against the driver and the company. Gusto kong maawa pero mas nanaig ang galit ko sa nangyari kay Arron. I over heard that he was going to make sure na magkakaroon ng tamang pananagot ang may kasalanan sa nangyari sa anak niya. If only Arron could hear his father talk, I bet it would have warmed his heart.

Kaya Arron, kung naririnig mo man ang naiisip ko–gumising ka na. Marami kaming naghihintay sa’yo dito. Please.On the fourth day, naisipan ko na umalis muna nang hospital at subukan lumayo para makapag-isip-isip. It was the best idea dahil kung hindi ko pa gagawin ito ay baka maging isa na akong zombie. Wala na akong ibang ginawa for three days kundi ang umiyak, mag-alala, mag-isip nang kung anu-ano, kumain ng kaunti at matulog din ng kaunti.

Umalis man ako nang hospital ay pumunta naman ako kung saan madalas kaming dalawa ni Arron. The only perfect place that I could think off is the lover’s lane.I allowed myself to think about Arron and all the good stuffs that came along with him. Lahat ng alaala namin, lahat ng pambubuksa na ginawa niya sa akin. There were more good memories than bad and it made me happy remembering them all.

Naalala ko pa when I saw Arron being dumped by someone. Nalala ko pa noong hinatak niya ako sa mall, binlackmail para lang samahan siyang bumili ng teddybear na ire-regalo para kay Carmela. Naalala ko nung kinuha niya sa akin ang phone ko at nagpalit kami para lang hindi ko i-text o tawagan si Dominic.

I remember the scream park, the drag race–I can still remember when I tried to cross the road just to prove that I was brave. Lahat nang ginawa ni Arron para tulungan akong maging matapang ay naalala ko. And right now, I can say that he’s successful with it. I was a coward before he came into my life, and now I’m here–fighting, no matter what happens–fighting, no matter what the odds may be. I was fighting. I was being brave.

“Arron, please wake up.”“Uso na ba ngayon ang nagsasalita nang mag-isa?” napalingon naman ako sa biglang nagsalita at nandilat ang mga mata ko nang makita ko si Dominic.I haven’t seen Dominic for a long time. Not because I’ve been dodging him but because I was too focused on Arron. At ngayon naman na nandito siya sa harap ko, hindi ko mapigilang ma-guilty.

“Dominic.” he smiled at me when I called his name, the same charming smile that he does that made me fall in love with him. It still gives warmth and comfort to my heart. I wasn’t attracted to him anymore but he’s still my friend, and my first love.

“Allie,” hearing my name from his mouth softened my heart. Binigyan ako ng isang nakakapanglambot na tingin ni Dominic. One look that digs deep into your heart and bears a hole in your chest. Yun ang ginagawa sa akin ni Dominic ngayon.Nang hindi ako makatagal ay tumayo ako at tumakbo palapit sa kanya para yakapin siya nang mahigpit. Mabilis na tumulo ang mga luha mula sa mga mata ko at doon na ako nagsimulang umiyak.

“Dominic, si Arron.” umiiyak nasumbong ko dito.

“Your guy is making you cry again, huh.” he was trying to lighten up the mood pero kahit gusto kong tumawa ay hindi ko magawa kahit kaunting ngiti man lang.

“Bakit ba ang daya-daya niya? Kung kailan magaling na ako, kung kailan handa na akong lumaban–tsaka siya naman yung hindi magiging okay. Nakakainis siya. Nakakainis talaga siya.”

“He is sort of an asshole.” dagdag ni Dominic.

“He is. Gusto kong magalit sa kanya at sigawan siya pero hindi ko iyon magawa dahil ayaw kong matakot siya sa akin at wag lalong magising. I need to be nice and say nice words to him para bumalik lang siya. I’m so mad at him, Dominic. I’m so mad at him for doing this to me and yet I’m still madly in love with him.”

“Of course you do.” mahinang sabi nito. Alam kong hindi ko dapat sa kanya sinasabi ito. I was hurting him but I just don’t know how to keep it anymore. Kapag ikinimkim ko pa ito ay baka maya-maya ay bigla na lang akong sumabog.

“I’m worried. I’m so worried.” my lips trembled as my arms shook in every weeps that I made. I was crying like a baby in his arms and I don’t care. Gusto ko lang umiyak para mawala lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.