➢ marvel imagines

➣ bucky barnes

bucky hurting you when he's the winter soldier

possible trigger warning for those who've been victims of abuse

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bucky woke with a start, gasping for air and in a cold sweat; he suddenly felt an aching pain in his head. he'd wondered if he'd gotten drunk the night before due to the fact that he couldn't remember anything that'd happened previous to him waking up; he'd been familiar with this pain and would recognize it anywhere, but this wasn't hangover pain. "(y/n)?" he quickly asked, realizing you weren't by his side; he also noticed he was on the ground, aching throughout his whole body."(y/n)!" he called out, getting up despite the pain and quickly began to search around the house. "(y/n)!" he was getting worried now, trembling as he was worried he'd done something to hurt you. "(y/n), it's me!" he called out again, slowing down his breathing in order to try to hear you. he heard something fall down in the closet and he rushed towards the source of the noise hoping to find you. he opened the closet door, finding you there with your knees tucked to your chest and tears streaming down your cheek.

"(y/n)..." he said, reaching out towards you and you immediately flinched, breath hitching in your throat and backing away. "(y/n) it's me... it's bucky..." he quickly backed away when he saw your bruised eye and cringing. "d-did i... no..." he ran a hand stressfully through his hair, backing away from you, leaving you a crying mess. carefully, you stood up, wiping the tears from your eyes and hanging the fallen object back on the closet. 

"i-is that you bucky?" you asked carefully, still keeping your distance as he sat down on the bed, staring at you with a familiar sadness in his eyes. 

"y-yes... did i do that?" he asks, pointing towards your bruised eye and bloody. you couldn't answer the question, you couldn't bring yourself to. you didn't know what set it off, but he went crazy; he turned into the winter soldier and he had no idea who you were. when you tried to console him, he snapped and he punched you in self-defense, being the killing machine he was trained to be. "(y/n)... did i do that?" he asked again, looking up with tears streaming down his cheeks, taking a shuddering breath in.

"yes..." you whispered before you could stop yourself, immediately seeing the crushed look coming over his face. "i..."

"don't say anything... please just don't... i don't deserve defense..."

"it's not your fault bucky..."

"yes... yes it is. just because i have another person in me, doesn't give me the excuse to just go berserk like that... i need... i need to leave." he said, standing up and wiping his sticky cheeks. "i need to go... i can't be with you... i can't keep putting you in this kind of pain. i'm sorry (y/n), i don't deserve you."

"bucky, wait." you pleaded as he started to walk out of the door. you couldn't imagine a life without him, but it was him who hit you; you still couldn't find yourself to blame him, it wasn't really him. "bucky, please." you finally reached him and grabbed his arm, making him stop and turn around.

"stop." he said, turning around and taking your hand off him. "i love you... but i need to leave. i need to figure things out, i need to figure how to control this before i can get anywhere near you again. i don't want to do this, but this is just solid proof of how unstable i really am. i'm sorry, i'm so sorry and i know that doesn't make anything better but i'm truly sorry. i can't... i need to learn how to control this... i should've done so years ago but... i need to go." you couldn't bring yourself to start arguing, this definitely wasn't the first time he'd slipped but it was the first time he'd hit you.

you didn't feel pity for him, but you didn't find yourself wanting to forgive him anytime soon. "okay..." you said simply, taking a step back from him and nodding. "okay... i love you..."

"and i love you..."

he left without another word. leaving a bruise in more than one place.

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sorry

in no way am i normalizing an abusive relationship