Right Into Place

Fifty-Three

One night, I gave myself permission to redraw the memories in my head. At least to remind me that one point in my life didn't feel so much as black and white.

I was down at that park in that beautiful December day, the ring in my pocket and a strong urge positivity waved through my entire atmosphere. Was it too fast? Or should I have asked sooner? I've never been more content my whole life. I was excited, but I also told myself that whatever her answer would be, I would accept. If it's a yes, I'll take it. If it's a no, then I'll wait.

But then, things went differently.

I sensed something off, the moment I walked towards her, the wintry atmosphere wasn't the only thing that felt extremely cold, it was her. The smile on her lips and the gleam in her eyes were different.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking a step forward. She didn't know, but it terrified me. She didn't answer and she just looked down. Taylor almost always answers. The occasions when she wouldn't. . . there's always something wrong. "Tay, come on, you can tell me." I tried to make my voice sound comforting and gentle but it was an art only she perfected.

Taylor looked up at me, and I froze where I stood as a shot of chill was blasted down my spine. Her eyes brimming with tears and I didn't know why.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked her once more, feeling my heart beat louder, feeling the pain of not knowing what she is going through.

"I'm sorry," she finally spoke, the softness of it breaking my barriers.

My knees felt weak but I ignored it. I held her cheeks, "Hey, hey, look at me. Tay, whatever it is, you can tell me, Tay."

She shook her head, her tears burning like acid against my hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Harry. I didn't -" she shut her eyes.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeling like I've done something wrong and I don't know what it was. All that's running around my head is the question as to what I did to hurt her.

"We're done."

There was a loud ring that made me lose my voice and heartbeat. Two words broke my soul into shards. "What?" I asked the sounds barely coming out of my throat. I didn't even realised how my hands are now loose at my sides. I was just staring at Taylor. I swallowed. "T-Tay, you're - you're joking, right?"

She didn't answer.

"Taylor, come on. Y-You - hey. . ." I started blinking back the tears once I realised she was never going to look at me directly, that she was never going to answer my question. "What did I do?" I asked. I'm still trying to remember what I did, what could be the reason why. "Tay, come on. I can fix it. Please."

She shook her again, continuously crying and I badly wanted her to stop. I needed to talk to her, about everything that's suddenly happening and yet I felt like she was standing on the edge of the world where she couldn't even hear just the slightest of my pleas. I want her to listen and answer. I want her to tell me where I went wrong so I could fix it.

"Tay?" I asked faintly, my tears starting to fight their way out. I needed her answer, the slightest response to tell me why. "Tay come on, just tell me."

"I can't," she replied very softly. "We're done." Why is she saying these things? What did I do? Another chill ran down my spine once she took a step back, and another. Her steps were slow, one, two. . . closer to being further from me, her eyes only at the ground because she cannot give me a reason why. She can't go. Not like that!

"Tay, answer me, please."

"I'm sorry," she repeated as soft as ever. And then. . . she was gone.