Right Into Place

Fifty-Five

The silence between us stretched like frost covering the woods on the coldest night. Everything about our atmosphere felt like that, cold, silent, and dark. I waited for her to break it, to say something as she usually does but now. . . it did feel like three years changed too much.

If I'm being honest, all I want now is to know why.

"I was left hanging. I never had the explanation," I said. I just want to know. That's all I want.

"Didn't you read the letter?" She asked.

"After three years do you think I would have wanted a reminder?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I thought that after. . . three years - y-you would have gotten over it," she explained, voice as gentle as ever.

"I have," I said. "But was that fair? Sending a letter three years later and -"

"I thought you weren't serious about us," Taylor said, like I didn't show how serious I was. . . like I was not serious with her. Heck, she was one of the very few I took seriously and she was the only one I thought would really end up with me. But she didn't. "I thought you didn't lo-"

"I loved you," I told her, cutting her off the same way she did with me. I looked away and started walking so we could move on from the place. I gulped, my throat feeling harsher than it was earlier. I heard her footsteps coming in then I knew she was following. . . "I didn't tell you often but you could be a little stupid sometimes for not noticing the things I did to say that. I loved you, you never heard, never listened but I always made sure you felt that."

I faced her once more, taking a deep breath before I said, "I loved you. I loved you and I really did. Now, I don't remember why."

I wanted to say that. For a long time, I wanted it out of my head like piece of broken glass from my skin. I forgot that removing the shards hurt like hell and makes you bleed.

Taylor held herself from the very moment she walked in. She held her sunshine grace and talked to me with caution but with courage in doing so. She forgot all of those when her tears made their way out. All I saw were the tears that were falling and her constant biting of her lower lip as she stared at me.

Forget the shards. . . this hurt like hell.

"I loved you too," she whispered, her voice breaking, fading into almost nothing. She wiped her cheeks with a swift move of her arm, then saying, "I never forgot why I did."

I swallowed again, standing my ground while she's breaking in front of me. I'm doing nothing as she falls apart. I can't seem to do anything about that. Then, she did something I could never have expected.

Taylor took a step forward to me, hesitant but still daring in doing so. And I cautiously took a step back. I didn't want her close, I don't know why. . . I just didn't. I watched her carefully, feeling every second slowly tick by. Her tears fell and yet, she was still standing strong, making no noise as she took another step forward.

My eyes were against it, painted with the sign that said "Taylor, please don't." My foot was a step behind me because I wanted to back away.

I shivered, flinching ever so slightly but then feeling familiarity when she wrapped her arms around me. Her warmth covered me again, keeping me breathless and still between her arms. I didn't want her close. A second ago, I would have ran. . . and I didn't. I didn't want her this close and now, I don't her to be anywhere but this close.

I didn't move, I remained motionless with her arms around me this way. It was strange yet familiar in the same sense.

It was familiar. Her right arm was over my neck and her head was buried against my shoulder. It felt the same as the first time. And they say that in the end, you start thinking about the beginning. . . how it all started and how it ended this way.