roses | kim woosung

t h i r t e e n

   i'm still in the hospital and i'm still trying to remember. i feel like it's the hardest thing i've been trying to do.

   today, i'm talking to the psychiatrist, doctor reynolds-i've actually been speaking to him since 3 days i think-anyways he's been trying to help me remember and is explaining to me how things are.

"what if i can't remember?" i suddenly ask. "it's unlikely for that to happen. in fact it's so unlikely it's rare. you're already remembering so much. are you sure you can't remember these items here?" he asks.

   i examine the items again, seeing two notebooks, two books, an album, a laptop, and a cd.

"no! i don't remember them." i say. "look at them again." he says, passing me each of the items.

   i take one of the books first and look at the author, rupi kaur.

"i want to say i remember wanting this book for a long time? oh yes! now i remember! i got this like a while ago, i think before sammy even and i always read the poems in it because they always related to me. i think he has another book." i say, looking at the other book.

"this book... i want to say there was a movie based on it. because i remember that the book was about a girl with lung cancer and she meets this guy who also has cancer and they start dating and then he dies-"

"there is a movie on it." he says. "oh, cool! okay and this album i don't remember anything about it. but i did get it signed. when i see this album though, the name jongin jumps at me. i don't see a jongin though." i say.

"hmm, maybe sammy knows, besides exo is his favorite group. do you remember the laptop and cd?" he asks. "the laptop, maybe. can i turn it on?" i ask.

"it's your laptop. let's see." he says, as i turn it on. i notice the background having nine guys dressed in black.

"who is this?" i ask, turning the screen. "that's the group you met. they signed your cd." he says. "really? they look really good!" i say.

"that's typical coming from a teenage girl. do you remember the cd?" he asks.

"no but i should probably play it. and maybe listen to the album too." i say.

"then i'll let you go. i'll be back later to check up." doctor reynolds says, as he exits the room.

   i plug in the earbuds and listen to the cd first. the cd was of this woman telling me where to go when she and my father weren't there. she told me to go to this apartment building and enroll myself in jarvis high.

   i assume the woman was my mother. she was really pretty, and oddly enough i look a lot like her. just minus the pretty.

   i suddenly start to cry because i wish i could remember my parents and the times we spent.

t i m e  s k i p

"i brought you flowers. and one of your favorite foods; a vanilla milkshake with a large order of fries. and good news, i found the ring!" sammy says, handing me the food and placing the flowers behind me in a vase.

"here, let me slip it on-"
"don't. not until i can remember." i say. "okay." he says, putting the box back in his pocket.

"woosung, if it's not a bother, could you take me to my parents? like their place at the cemetery?" i ask.

"you're connected to iv fluids and heart monitors. you're going to have to ask doctors." he says. "oh." i say.

"but i heard your memory is improving!" he says. "yeah. hey, do you know a jongin? because every time i look at my album the name keeps popping in my head." i say.