One Suicidal, the Other Uncaring ♚

Chapter 14: The Less I had to Lose

Drake's POV

I wake up to find Lily snuggled up against my chest with my arm still wrapped around her abdomen.

I smile as sparks race through my body where our bodies touch. Arrow is yelling perverted things in my head. I just block him out... it's too early in the morning to deal with him.

It's quiet for a while before Lily gasps and her eyes snap open. I loosen my hold on her so she can sit up if she wants to but she stays lying down. A few seconds later, her body start shaking and I hear her sobs, although it seems like she tries to stay as quiet as possible.

"What's wrong Sweetheart?" I croon. No answer. "Baby please, tell me what's wrong. I want to help you," I say quietly.

A few moments later, Lily must've decided to answer.

"I... I saw my older siblings," she whispers.

My body tenses slightly. She dreamed of her siblings the same night I dream of my family. It can't be a coincidence, can it?

And the way she's crying over them reminds me of the way I held back my cries over my family when they died. I sigh, thinking of them. I feel Lily start shaking harder.

"I'm not disappointed or gonna do anything to you if that's what your thinking," I murmur. "It's just the fact you reminded me of my family and how much I miss them."

My mate's shaking lessens.

"W-what happened to them?" Lily whispers. I wince. "I'm sorry," she says hurriedly. "I-I didn't mean to be rude or... Or pry. You don't have to tell me, I'm just curious."

"It's OK, Sweetheart," I says softly. "It's just not something I like to talk about. I'll tell you if you want, maybe talking with someone will help me let it go."

"O-OK," Lily replies.

She's silent, waiting for me to speak. I'm already starting to regret this decision. But it'll probably help me let go and maybe even gain more of her trust.

Come on, stop being a coward. You can do it! Arrow says. It'll be easier once you start.

I smile slightly at my wolf's words and take a deep breathe.

"I was seventeen when I lost them, my parents and my younger brother, Jamie. He was only five when it happened," I begin. I took another deep breathe and continue. "One day, when my Dad was still the Alpha, Redriver pack attacked my pack during the night, when everyone was sleeping. They used chloroform and managed to kidnap me. I still have the scars their crazy Alpha gave me. They were so bad that they never fully healed and disappeared like most wounds do."

Lily draws in a rather sharp breathe. I smile slightly. Arrow's right, it is getting easier once I start.

"When he found out where I was a few days later, my Dad came after me. I watched as he was killed, but not before he distracted the Redriver wolves long enough for me to escape. The sound of my scream when he was killed still echoes in my head whenever I think of his death. Our pack lost nearly half of our members that day and most of the bodies were taken by Redriver pack and tossed into Blood river, the river that runs through their territory."

My mate gasps and shudders slightly. Tears have started running down my face but I don't care.

"There were so many bodies and so much blood. The river water turned blood red. There's a reason it's called Blood River and a reason the pack is called Redriver pack. When the wolves left, I fished my Dad's body out and brought it back here. My Mom was devastated at the sight of my Dad, her mate's, lifeless body."

Lily's now crying silently and despite thinking of my past, I'm thankful. She understands what I went through, or at least a part of it.

"My Mom was never the same after that. She stayed locked up in her room and cried. Jamie and I were grieving as well but not as much as her. After two weeks, she committed suicide. I found her dead in her room, her wrists slit and the carpet underneath her body stained red with her blood. It was horrible, something I never want to see again."

My mate gasps slightly. I can understand why, since I found her almost dead in the same position.

"It was even harder after that. It was just me and Jamie then. Even though I was the Alpha, I started drinking, getting drunk most nights, as a way to escape the grief. Darren tried to stop me but I didn't listen. I wish I had. One night, about a week and a half later, when I was passed out drunk in the living room, Redriver wolves broke in and kidnapped Jamie."

I pause, finding it extremely hard to go on. I take a few deep breathes and I eventually manage to continue.

"When I found out, I sent out thousands of search parties. I hadn't known it was Redriver pack who took him at the time; they'd been careful not to leave any clues. Then one day I received a package from Redriver's Alpha, a cardboard box. Inside..."

It's a while before I can continue. I squeeze my eyes closed at the memory, and try hard not to think about it. It doesn't work, because when you try not to think of something, you think of it anyway. I feel my mate take my hand in hers.

My breathing becomes shaky and uneven.

"Inside... was his head," I whisper, before breaking down, crying quietly.

Lily puts her hands on my chest. She hesitates for a while before lightly pressing her lips against my cheek. It shocks me so much my cries stop and I return to just taking uneven breathes.

"Lily," I say quietly.

"S-sorry," she whispers. "It just seemed like you needed it."

I take her hands in mine.

"I did," I say, a small smile on my lips. "Thank you."

Lily blushes slightly. "What happened after that?"

"Do you mind if I hold you close to me as I tell you?" I whisper. "It would help me but you don't have to say yes."

"I... I guess I'm OK with it," Lily replies.

She doesn't seem scared of me anymore, just nervous. I gently pull her body closer to mine, breathing in her lilac and mandarin scent.

"Anyway, I feel like I was never the same after that," I say. "I feel like I became colder and more distant for some time after that. Then after a few months, I changed slightly. I started talking to Darren again since I hadn't spoken much to anyone for months, just giving orders or speaking during meetings. Darren is like my brother, I had - and still have - the strongest relationship with him out of the whole pack. No other friendship can even come close to matching how close Darren and I are."

Lily smiles slightly.

"I'm not really close with anyone else," I continue. "I guess I'm just scared of losing anyone or anything else. I thought that the less I had, the less I had to lose. Then I met you. I'd never seen you before and just seeing you with Marco made me feel like I'd lost something else. Something so valuable to me, something I never even knew I needed."

I pause, thinking of how to say what I want to.

"I tried to push you away, even though we weren't close at all. I didn't want to fall for you then have you leave me, whether it was because of you or me. But now I know you'd never do that. And I've already fallen so deeply in love with you. I never knew how important a mate is in a werewolf's life, not until I met you. I don't want you to be scared of me. It hurts me just thinking about it."

I nuzzle my face into her neck. "I love you," I say softly. "I love you so much."

I can tell Lily is wondering whether to believe me or not. She at least feels safe with me, which is a pretty big step from how she felt last night. I'm guessing the Moon goddess spoke to her about something like trust and how she'll be safe here.

Suddenly my mate lets out a sharp cry. I'm immediately on alert. I feel a faint pain running through my whole body, coming through the mate bond. I can only imagine how strong the pain must be for my mate.

There's only one thing I can think of that causes this kind of pain at a sudden time.

Lily is shifting.