Tongue-Biter

Words

" Schizophrenic as in schizophrenia?" Jace asked. " Well, yeah, but I don't think it's schizophrenia." I muttered. He looked at me confused, so I continued. " There are more than one type of schizo disorders. There's schizophrenia, schizoaffective, and maybe more, I need to get more research done. But I've been..." I paused, trying to find the right words. " Different?" Jace suggested. " Yeah. Different. I've just been...I don't exactly know. I've started a journal to show my therapist whenever I get to go. I think I fall more into schizoaffective. It's too much to explain. It's a lot of-" " Connor," Jace interrupted. I looked at him. " It's okay. No matter if you have it or not, I'm still your best friend." " Thanks." I responded. Then, we just talked.
Jonathan, Jake, and Clem came in. The day went normal. Or as normal as it usually is. In algebra, I heard faint whispers, but I didn't know if they were real or imaginary. I was having a really hard time focusing. I sit up front so it's not like I can just lie my head down whenever I want. I struggled through algebra and then went to lunch. It made me upset that I couldn't focus in algebra, since math is one of my favorite subjects. Stop right there, let me say it for you, " Wow! You're such a nerd! Who likes math?" Did i read your mind? Yeah. Lunch finished and I went to our advisory period, which was only about twenty minutes long. Then it was last period and then I go home. I felt horrible in class. Who doesn't love painful headaches? I know I love them. You just have to hide and fight the pain and try to do your assignment. Fun, right? Yeah, no. I kept checking the time, waiting for 3:00 so that bell would ring. I waited and waited and waited and- well you get the point. The bell finally rang.
I went home and laid in my bed with my headphones in, with music full volume. I felt fine now. That's how it always is. I'm fine one minute, then I'm sad, then I'm angry, sad again, and then emptiness. I'm what most people say is " bipolar", but I've never been diagnosed. Then again, I have a lot of problems undiagnosed.
I laid my head back and stared at my ceiling. Now was the time where the emptiness started. I listened to the same songs over and over again. Just to feel the words. The words are like people. People that care and understand how I am, who I am, and most importantly, who I can be.
( To be continued)