I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a person or if I'm just tired of everything. School has been causing me a lot of stress. Not the work or teachers. Just going to school. The moment I step into the gym I feel nothing but pain and I can't explain it. And I can't exactly stop it if I don't know what's causing it. I have 2 days of school left. I can handle it, right? Right?...
I don't understand. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to explain it. My mental health has been shit and I have a feeling that it's going to get worse over the summer. Plus, highschool is going to be a blast.
If I'm being completely honest, I've been thinking a lot about cutting again. I won't do it. I won't. I can't. I don't want to go back to my low state. I just want to be happy. Is that so much to ask? I just want to figure whatever the fuck is wrong with me, get whatever medication I need because I know I need some, and just be happy!
Oh right...I forgot. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be healthy. I don't deserve to be alive. But I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere.
What's the worst thing? No one can help. Not even Clementine or Jonathan or Jake. Or Jace. I wish they could and it kills me when I have to tell them there's nothing they can do. I'm supposed to be the problem solver. I'm who everyone goes to for help. I'm not supposed to need help. I help others. You know why? Because they actually deserve help.
I'm going to stop before I start crying. I might listen to DEH or TØP. I might go to sleep since that's the only time I'm happy. I might just sit here. Like I always do.
* To be continued*
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Tongue-Biter
Teen FictionThey don't understand. I want to talk to people. But every time I try, my heart races and I start to hyperventilate. No one knows, of course. Well, except a few close friends. Will I ever make a sound? Or stay a tongue-biter forever? *WARNING* Sensi...
