Tongue-Biter

Guy

Wow. Just wow.

He has known the whole fucking time.

I am laughing about it.

I don't really know why I'm laughing.

I think I'm relieved that he doesn't hate me.

He has known since February.

Five months.

He always knew.

I know. Our friends can't keep secrets.

When he told me he knew, not gonna lie, I felt hurt.

But at the same time I wasn't upset. I know who told him. I'm not mad. I was just surprised.

What shocked me most is that he was so calm about everything.

He wasn't mad or weirded out.

He was chill. He's just like " yeah I know."

I feel weird.

I can't really explain it.

I told him that I used to like him. I thought I'd gotten over him.

But after I told him I didn't like him anymore, something inside me changed.

I feel different.

I was so convinced that he'd hate me if he knew. But he didn't. He knew the whole time.

He didn't even show it.

Or maybe I was just too blind to notice.

What else shocks me is how he didn't treat me any differently, even though he knew.

We didn't change.

Here I am between crying and laughing, wondering how I feel.

The point was to tell him I was over him and get rid of that weight on my shoulders before school starts. I don't need the extra stress.

But now here I am. More stressed than ever.

On top of that, I barely know him.

It's weird because usually I know people before I like them.

I mean, yeah, he's in my friend group but I don't really know him.

Maybe that's why I like him.

Maybe I like him because I want to know him.

Oh...wait.

He doesn't go to school with me.

He's going to the other highschool.

I've already seen him for the last time.

How do I feel about this?

I hugged him on the last day of school.

He seemed a little tense but he accepted the hug.

Everyone was hugging him.

Everyone loves him.

I'm just happy that this time wasn't like last time where I was humiliated.

I didn't even like her. I liked how people liked her.

But this is different.

"Guy" is my first legitimate guy crush.

It is one of the strangest feelings I have ever felt.

My life's a mess.

I'm confused.

But a good confused....?