Tongue-Biter

Insecure

I was back at school today after the weekend and I was also seeing my therapist in about a week. I hate her but I really need to know what's going on with me. Nothing had actually really happened since February, and it was almost April. Just when this thought occurred, it was ruined.
It started again over the weekend when I was at one of my " cousin's" birthday party about 2 hours away. I saw shadows. And I thought I saw faces a few times as well. I ignored it the best I could, but my paranoia was kicking in. I didn't want to tell the group. This may just be my mental illnesses but, I can't help but feel like I am nothing but a burden to them. They are always supporting me and they talk to me, too. I never feel like my advice is good enough for them. I know that nothing I do will ever be enough to repay them for all they have done. I owe them all my life. I wish I could tell them everything going on, but I either don't understand it myself or I don't want to cause problems.
One thing that has been really bothering me is that I like someone. The last crush I had that was like this ended badly. I got completely rejected and humiliated. Not even Jace could cheer me up, and that's pretty fucking serious. It's been over a year and she still hates me. I didn't really like her. To be honest, I didn't want her. I wanted to be her. She was popular and one of the funniest kids at school. I wished I could be like that. But I can't. When i started liking my current crush, I recognized this feeling right away and tried to hide it. But I couldn't. I knew it was the same way I used to feel around her. I knew if my crush knew than things would be ruined since my crush was one of my friends. It was different this time, though. This time it was a guy.

( To be continued)