Tongue-Biter

Birth Name

I was, for once, having a better day than the day before. I woke up around 2:30 am. I fell asleep at 10 the night before. I read until around 5 and I started dozing off. I fell asleep and woke up around 12. I was about halfway awake. I was wearing my glasses. I very frequently forgot to take them off before bed. I was half asleep and I saw a reflection of a hand trying to grab me. My eyes snapped open and I froze. I sat there for about a minute, waiting for someone to grab me. I turned around. No one was there. Last night, I was home alone from about 5 to 9. I thought I saw someone in my hallway. The first thing my mind said was that I was hallucinating. But...it felt real. But it wasn't real. But it felt real! My mind was just continuously arguing. With itself.
After my morning, everything was alright. Me and Richelle, the only thing I like about her, caught up on "The Walking Dead". I watched my baby sister. It was okay. Until I got on my social media.
I got on my social media for the first time that day. I loved internet as much as the next teen, but hey, every now and then I need a break. I checked my notifications and my heart dropped. One thing I should inform everyone about my social media is that I have relatives on there. My sister, but she doesn't bother me, and my little cousins have social media. I know, right? Anyway, I saw my little cousin, Laila, posted a comment on one of my posts. She commented my birth name. On my social media. Everyone knows me as my guy self, not my birth self! I didn't see how long it was up. I never hit delete faster in my life. How long was it up? Who- who saw it?! My heart was racing. My eyes were burning. I started hyperventilating. Tears started coming down my face. I couldn't stop it. For all I know, every single person on there, every single person, over 800 people, now knew my birth name. I eventually had to gasp for breath. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to crawl under my bed and die. I mean, after death it's just...black. Black is my favorite color. I don't find it creepy. It's actually calming to me. You don't see or hear or feel anything. You're just in an eternal sleep. A long, peaceful, silent sleep. One where you don't have to wake up to the horrors of the life and world you have always known. One where you just have you and you are enough. You don't need constant reassurance. You don't have to burden anyone. You are finally at peace, not only with your old life, but with yourself. As much as this made me want to end it all, I couldn't and I wouldn't. I was stronger than that. I could fix it, right? Right?....
I didn't feel depressed or anxious anymore. I just felt empty... Just empty.

(To Be Continued)