Tongue-Biter

Feelings

They still haven't found her. Why aren't they looking for her?!
I'm sitting in my room. Alone. Crying. I can't believe that she isn't back yet. It's been weeks! She has came back before. Every! Single! Time! She always came back! Maybe it's because she thinks we don't want her anymore. Maybe she doesn't like Richelle's sister! They shouldn't be sitting around! They should be looking! It's not their fucking  dog to lose! She's been gone for weeks! Dutchess had run away before but she was never gone longer than a day. What if she....No! She isn't dead! She isn't gone! She'll come back! Any day now! I bet it will be tomorrow! She'll go back! She can't be gone, she can't be gone, she can't be gone!
I have told my friends about Dutchess running away. I told them I wasn't that worried because she always came back. But she hasn't yet. It's been almost a month and she's still missing. They gave up after a few days. I know it! I fucking hate them! What if she thinks we hate her? What...what if she thinks I hate her? What if that's why she ran away? Oh, god. She'll be back. Don't worry. She'll be back. Despite the voices in my head saying it will be alright, I continued crying. I knew the tears wouldn't make a difference. But damn, it felt a lot better than holding them in. She's gonna be okay. Hopefully.

At school today, I was in language arts. I have language arts with Clementine and my other friend who happens to be my crush. ( I'm not saying his name so I'll just call him Guy) We were working on a tiny poster and the three of us were working as a team like we always do. Not gonna lie, Clem did most of the work, which was usually what I did. I was too busy talking to Guy. Clem joined our conversation of course. We were all making jokes and singing Bo Burnham songs. I forgot what we were talking about but Clem and Guy were the only ones talking and I was just listening. Listening is what I'm best at. I felt a sudden uneasiness in my stomach. My chest tightened. I had the dying urge to tell Guy I like him. I knew I couldn't. I knew he didn't like me. He saw me as...Connie. The girl who is friends with his friends. He saw me as nobody important. To be honest, I'm not. I barely know him. He barely knows me. Man, I felt fucking depressed for the rest of class. But no one noticed since I've been depressed my whole life and was really good at hiding it. I didn't want to leave my friends but I didn't want to stay in that class. The bell rang, they left, and I left in the opposite direction. We had different classes and that's kinda a good thing. If we had more classes together, I might've said or done something stupid. That would not have been pretty.
Yesterday, Clem drew a heart on my hand since it was something all our friends were a part of. Guy kept reaching over to my desk and poking the middle of the heart with his pencil. " I'm stabbing you in the heart." He said while smiling. I smiled back. You have no fucking idea.

*To Be Continued*