Tongue-Biter

" I'm okay. I promise."

In 2nd and 3rd grade, my teachers would ask me everyday " Where'd you get that bruise?" And everyday I told them " I just fell at recess." My teachers would ask me everyday " Where'd you get that cut?" And everyday " I just got scratched by a cat." But I never meant any of it. I was always careful about what I did. I was careful about how I acted and what I did around certain people. Because sometimes if you don't act the right way, you get what you deserve. My teachers never found out where I really got the cuts and bruises. Kodi's mom, Tammy, would hit me everyday. " You deserve it!" She said. " You are a disappointment!" She said. " Your trash just like your mother!" She said. I always snapped at her and tried to fight back. But she'd fight harder. She would smack and punch me. Even kicked me sometimes. I hated her for talking about my mom like she was nothing but a piece of trash. I didn't know at the time. I wouldn't admit it. She'd hit me over and over. I would always scream at her that she wasn't my mom and I would never love her like I love my mom. She would get so mad. I would get the cuts from when I got up and tried to leave. But I would fall against the counters and then hit the floor. She never hit me in front of my dad. She knew better than that. My dad would leave. She didn't want to sleep alone. She's a whore. She had to have someone to fuck. She wouldn't let my dad leave. I remember one time my dad said he was leaving and she locked herself in the bathroom with a knife screaming she was going to kill herself. Cops came and forced her out of the bathroom. We were in our room with the TV all the way up and a radio in to drown out the noise. Our neighbor, Scarlett, was the one who made us do it. She didn't want us to be afraid. It didn't work though. She stayed the night at the police station and me, dad, my siblings, and Tammy's daughter, Andrea, stayed at her parents' house. Kodi wasn't born yet. He wasn't even concieved yet. She was a fucked up bitch. A drug addict, alcoholic, and straight up dictator. I would go to my mom's every other weekend. I loved being with my mom. Every weekend I saw her, I begged her to get custody back. But she couldn't. My mom asked me " Where'd these cuts and bruise come from?" I responded " I just fell in the yard." My mom isn't stupid though. She knew I was lying. She asked my dad. He said he didn't know. So my mom did something that she wouldn't have done otherwise, she contacted Tammy and asked her. She said I needed to learn. My mom and Tammy got in a fight. My mom won but Tammy just started hitting me harder. You think my mom would notice, right? No. Because I found Tammy's makeup. I used it everyday to cover the marks and wounds. No one noticed. I was just like all the other bruise free kids at school. No one would know. My mom would ask me " Any more bruises?" And I would wave my arms around and show her my legs too. She would smile and say that Tammy had learned not to mess with her kids. She still doesn't know that Tammy kept abusing me. She just thinks she knocked some sense into her. I didn't have the guts to tell anyone so I suffered in silence. No one knew. And I wanted it to stay like that.
Everyone would ask " Are you okay?" And I would always say " I'm okay. I promise." I said that phrase so many times that even to this day, almost 6 years later, I make a promise and don't know if I meant it or not. I'm so used to lying to people and pretending like I'm okay. " I'm okay. I promise." And every single fucking person believed me. People now will act like they're going to hit me and I flinch so hard it hurts. They all laugh and call me weak. Then they see my expression and say " Hey, I was just kidding." But it doesn't occur to them that maybe at some point someone wasn't " just kidding." It doesn't occur to them that maybe , just maybe, I had to live with someone who wasn't " just kidding."
No one knew. No one knows. I want to keep it that way. The less people know, the happier they are. The happier they are, the less attention that gets paid to my stupid problems.

* To be continued*