FLORAL

« Here i | Stand » S3 finale

Winter had settled in as one of the most important holidays of the year arrived.

"Don't play with that" i hissed grabbing one of my Soul train awards from my cousin sons hand.

She flashed a 'sorry' smile as she popped his hand. The door bell rung as i stood in the middle of my house to my entire family taking over.

The door bell rung again as i approached the door opening it. "Damn it's cold out here lord" one of my aunts cussed as she hugged me walking in.

Three of my other cousins spoke as they all walked in with their bags as i sighed looking back to my mom. Her face was lit up with joy as she hugged her sister.

"Why did i agree to this" i whispered to myself as i heard a glass break from the kitchen. Sighing as i had my eye closed rolling them.

"Smile please" my mom spoke cuffing my arm with hers as she pulled me towards the living room.

"Thank you for doing this" she patted my chest as she released me. Standing as i observed them all embracing the things i don't think of.

To them, this was huge, being here was special. For once, they have the opportunity to live in luxury and it's all because of me.

My mom would always remind me, that love is always a better gift. Love can bring you wealth, love can bring you closer to people.

Love bring the best and worst out of a person, but love is what heals us the most. A lot of those stories were starting to have meaning now.

"You should get that" my sister whispered walking beside me. "Get what?" I asked as the door bell rung. Sighing as she laughed at me becoming overwhelmed with guest.

An army duffel bag sat in front of the door as i looked to the black car backing out of the gate. His uniform pulled my attention as he removed his hat.

The cold air brushed passed me as my sister pulled open the door. "Happy you made it" she smiled hugging him as i stepped back walking off.

"Just a minute please" i shook my head as my mom pulled for my attention as i walked up the stairs.

I could hear her scream his name as laughter filled the opening section on my downstairs.

"Why. . ."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Ahhhh"

I screamed as i pulled the bottle of whiskey from underneath my table.

Exhaling as it burned rushing down my throat.

"You've always love you a nice glass of brown" he spoke as i turned to him closing my room door.

Drinking from the bottle as i squinted my face from the strong taste as i sat it on my dresser. "Is this because of me?" He asked grabbing the half empty bottle as i burst out laughing.

"You can't be that stupid to think you have that type of control" i mumbled as he grabbed the bottle from my hand as i was about to take another swig.

"You do know I've always had a close relationship with your sister right?" He asked as i chuckled.

"So why are you standing here and not with her" he shook his head at me as he stared into my eyes.

"You done?" He asked as i rolled my eyes bumping into his shoulder as he grabbed my arm forcing me back.

"I'm not done talking" his voice deepened as i noticed the look he would give me when we were teenagers.

"There was never anything to talk about from the start. Glad you're here" i sarcastically spoke as he sighed deeply.

The door was forced shut as i slowly turned to him. "You're doing all this because of what Nolan? I've finally accepted that THIS" i pointed between us. "Will never be, and I'm ok for the first time" i spoke as he chuckled.

"But here you are running to your room the moment i walk through the door. Nothing has changed Ha'keem. You...you....you cry out for me behind close doors but when I'm here this is who i meet" he groaned.

"What do you want from me?" He asked as i chuckled shaking my head as i felt the whiskey settling in. "What i want You'll never be able to offer, Nolan you've always been a coward. You're a fucking little boy under this big men you broadcast" i groaned punching his chest.

"Quick to ask what i want from you, Nigga what do you have to offer? How about that one?" . . . . "Oh oh oh..... i forgot, you won't admit just like you don't admit shit else. . . . You.... you ..." sighing as i dropped my hands.

"I'm arguing with a brick wall who will never understand. What am i doing" i mumbled as i pulled open my room door walking out.

"Here i stand. I'm standing right here Keemie" he yelled out as i stood at the top of the stairway.

He huffed out as he cleared his throat. "You win" he softly spoke approaching me. "You've always known what this was, and i did too, and i am a coward for dragging you through this" he spoke

As i trailed my tongue across my teeth looking at him. "Keem" he whispered reaching out for my head as i stood in the middle of the hall. "Please" he mumbled grabbing my arm.

His thumb caressed my arm as i took slow steps towards him. "Whatever you want me to be, teach me to be, because i don't know how" he confessed.

"I think about you. I dream about you. I pray for you. Hakeem" he spoke as i heard footsteps. My sister walked down smiling as he pulled my face towards him.

"I love you, always have" he whispered as an unexpected surprise took the remaining doubt i had rumbling inside my head.

• + •

The warmth of his hands caressed underneath my chin as his thumb held my jaw up to him.

The mint from his tongue transferred to mine, as his lip now left mine moist.

"I'm done fighting this war that lies in front of us"

"You've been my family since we went in Sunday school. THIS"

He spoke pointing between me and him as he stepped closer to me.

"Is home."

He whispered as i stood speechless to my sister walking beside him. Smiling.