---- [W -> D] ----
D: I bet you think you're really smart, huh? I bet you think your clever, punk!
D: WELL GUESS WHAT!
D: You are
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W: I can't believe you used your one phone call to order 17 pizzas
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D: AND ANOTHER THING-
W: It's been ten years since that argument dude
----
W: I just realized no one is home
W: Come play the trombone well I slam the oven door
D: Already out the window
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D: I found a paper I wrote in 5th grade that I got an 'I' on
D: The prompt was "imagine you are sitting on a cloud. What would you do or see?"
D: And I wrote "I would see the ground as I fell because I would because clouds are just water mists"
----
W: Can we have birthday cake
D: It's not your birthday
W: The cake won't know
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D: I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life
W: I know this and I love you
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W: My head hurts
D: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity
----
D: What are you talking about?
W: Are you telling me that you don't remember coming back drunk and designing an entire fucking airplane
----
W: How do you remember that? You were very unconscious at the time
----
D: This professor couldn't work the computer so he drew the map of the world himself
W: He is too powerful
----
W: When you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room, but less bedroom
----
D: I don't understand how people can shower in five minutes, I mean, I can go as fast as I can and still have shampoo in my hair and conditioner in my hair and scrub myself and cut myself shaving and use the blood in my summoning of the dark lord then travel to a new dimension to ward of my enemies then come back and dry off. I mean, how do you do that in five minutes
W: 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner
D: FUCK
D: OF COURSE
----
W: What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
D: What?
W: A condescending con descending
D: Get out
----
D: My dying words better be 'I'm going ghost'
----
W: Okay but imagine a Roomba that's programmed to react positively when being pet or scratched
D: Give me three minutes and a bag of gummy worms and it's yours
----
D: Shout out to my coping mechanism, isolation
----
W: I just wanted to make sure your okay 'cause you are sharpening that knife very intensely
----
D: Can we cuddle? In just our underwear so our skin can touch. Can I wrap myself around you well you hold me? I'll play with your hair and drag my fingertips across your skin. You'll peck at my skin well I laugh and tell you to stop. We could whisper cute things to each other over pillows that no one else could hear. Then I'd pull out my hunting knife and sacrifice you to the dark lord Satan, well chanting sacrificial hymns.
W: You had me at 'Can'
----
W: On a scale of 1 to nature valley granola bars how much is your life falling apart?
D: America's healthcare
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D: AU CONTRAIRE
D: My grandmother got all A's in her etiquette classes, and she told me-
D: "Dear," she said, "You never cross your legs, you cross your ankles. But the great thing about you living in this generation is that you don't have to follow my generations rules. If someone looks up your skirt, tell them your aunt Harriet will kill them."
D: Which is true, my aunt Harriet kept a switchblade in a special pocket in her nightgown until the day she died
D: Moral of the story: 1) Sit the way you want. 2) My aunt Harriet was a badass.
----
W: The word 'Diputseromneve' may look ridiculous but backwards it's even more stupid
D: I AM SO ANGRY
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D: I got a zero on my Spanish test
W: Why?? You're fluent in Spanish!
D: I wrote the entire thing in Japanese
----
W: There were these two kids having this argument in my chemistry class and this one kid and my friend were the ones fighting about who was better and the annoying kid said "well at least I have a girlfriend!" To which my friend responded, "whatever. Your girlfriend has 67 protons." And everyone was confused as to why I was laughing then everyone, including the teacher, turned to look at the periodic table on the wall.
D: For all the none-scientists reading, the element with 67 protons is holmium, with the chemical symbol 'ho.'
----
D: I was sitting with Barbara in the park the other day and braiding her hair and some guy walked past and was like, "hey, baby, what else can you do with your hands?" And before Barbara could kill him I gave him this really nice smile and said "strangle you" and I've never seen a man run so fast
----
W: Why is there a picture of you on the news?
D: Ohhh~ what did they say??
W: 'Dramatic goth draped gracefully on an overhead luggage rack on some form of public transport'
---- [The Three Muskequeers] ----
R: So, what do you guys have planned for Valentine's Day?
W: Murder
D: That's the spirit
---- [W -> D] ----
W: Is there something burning?
D: Just my desire for you
W: The toaster is on fire
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D: Do you ever just want to gently place your hands on someone's cheeks and hold their head in your hands and look into their eyes and then violently jerk their head on a right angle and snap their neck
W: Well that took an unexpected turn
----
W: In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost
W: Head shoulders, knees, and toes
W: Turn up your nose, strike that pose
W: Heyyyy Macarena!
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D: Hate to be problematic but I feel like the Sesame Street writers were just being lazy when they named him big bird
----
YOU ARE READING
Text Me Back // Book One
Fanfiction(W- Wally West. D- Dick Grayson. R- Roy Harper.) D: Want to know how I remember how to spell 'Assume'? W: Okay..... D: Don't assume or you'll make an ass out of u and me ---- W: I am entirely convinced your last words will either be 'whoops' or 'sh...
