SWIM // MITCHEL CAVE

(II) 18- funeral

Mitchel's POV

I finish fixing my tie and I look at my reflection staring back at me. I had tried my best to look presentable but my eyes had bags underneath and still looked red and swollen. I let my hair down completely as I knew my mother liked it best like that, she said it made me look older.

I wasn't ready for the funeral, not one bit. I hadn't been to one since I was really young and even then it was for some old uncle I didn't even really know. I knew there was going to be a big turn out; my mum was one of the most popular women I knew and so I could already envision all the pitying stares I would inevitably receive.

"Ready?"

I see Jaz standing in the doorway from the mirror. She had on a long black dress and her hair down also, she looked beautiful and I don't know how I would've got through any of this without her help. I nod my head and turn around.

"Ready as I'll ever be" I sigh fixing my shirt one last time.

She sends me a comforting smile and takes my hand as she leads me downstairs where everyone was waiting. Everyone was silent, unable to find the words for what was about to come and I wanted so badly for it to be over with already.

The ride to the venue was just as nerve wracking and I fiddled with my fingers as I stared out the window watching the trees pass us. Jaz had her hand on me in a comforting manner which I appreciated but I couldn't find the energy to reciprocate. I rehearsed the words in my head that I would have to sing shortly, I had to get them perfect and today was not the day for mistakes.

The sound of the tyres against the gravel informs me we had reached our destination and it pulls up in front of the building. Everyone exits the vehicle and I get out last, taking one last deep breath before following Jaz into the building.

I hear some voices and then the music starts playing, the dreaded tones that makes everything appear to go in slow motion as we begin to walk into the room. My thoughts are confirmed as I see the room is full, people are even standing at the back as there were no more seats left. I feel Jaz squeeze my hand and I lightly squeeze back trying to focus on getting to our seats and not looking at all the sad faces surrounding us.

I sit down on the padded chair and my eyes are drawn to the casket placed across from us. It was surreal to think the woman who raised me, who taught me everything I knew and loved; was laying right in that wooden box. It wasn't fair, this wasn't how her life was supposed to end.

The director begins to speak and I only half listen, I didn't need to hear what I already knew. Everyone knew she was kind and caring and how much she loved to dance. His words were only making me upset because of the tense he was using; was. She was a lovely woman, she was kind hearted and so on. She was no longer present, she resided permanently in the past.

A few tears escape my eyes and I do my best to wipe them away trying not to appear weak. The others had given up on that completely and I could hear Clinton sobbing a few seats down, I briefly look over and he's buried into Cat's body while she does her best to quieten his sobs.

"Finally, Mitchel would like to perform a song"

Eyes turn to me and I stand up and slowly make my way over to where the director was standing. He moves to the side and I position myself over the small microphone. The room was silent and all eyes were on me, I try and focus on Jaz as I couldn't bear to look at anyone else.

The soft chords start playing in the speaker and I prepare myself to begin singing. It was one of my mums favourite songs and subsequently one of mine too, I knew the words like the back of my mind and yet my mind was drawing a blank as I sing the first note. My voice wavers and I do my best to rectify that.