Loyalty (JoshxBrendonxTyler)

8. Solicitude

Brendon isn't sure how he should feel when realizing he called in sick for work.

He wasn't sick. The only part of him catching a cold was his mind. Everything was so toxic. He couldn't go back to work the day after having a panic attack that bad. He hasn't had one so severe in months, and he's trying to remind himself that lying to his boss was for his own self-care, no matter how guilty and pathetic it made him feel.

So, he lays in bed.

He had woken up nearly an hour ago but hasn't moved.

His mind is running. He has so many things to think about but not enough brain capacity to do so.

Brendon tries to focus on the good, although there wasn't much to dwell about.

On the bright side of things, Debby wouldn't pester him anymore-- if she really was that upset with him. Although he is extremely faithful people are forgiving, he already knew Debby was not the same.

She was petty, everyone in the workplace knew this. Debby is perfection, and the only way she got to that point is by forcing things into place. If Brendon upset her, she was going to make sure he knew how plaintive he really was. She's no longer going to give him company during his lunch, and she wasn't going to be persistently 'caring', or whatever you wanted to call it.

But Brendon didn't need her, he never did.

The only reason he even stood around her was because he's too much of a coward to speak up.

He's too afraid to tell her he wasn't comfortable when she pushed him, he was too afraid to tell her their relationship wasn't very healthy.

You can only listen to someone talk about their success so many times before it starts eating you away.

Maybe that's why Brendon likes talking to Carina, or even Josh. They ask about his day, they care whether he was doing well or not.

Debby only cares for herself.

Brendon can't help the way his lips twitch when he thinks about Josh.

He sang to him until his order was ready, and carefully told Brendon he had to go, but call him any time he needed. That's what made Brendon's heart flutter; knowing he wasn't uncomfortable with the fact that their first time ever really speaking to each other was when Brendon was having a horrible panic attack.

Generally speaking, that would scare someone off, but Josh only felt more drawn in.

Brendon couldn't be more thankful for him right now. The only thing he can think about is how lucky he was to be able to have Josh to help him through his time of despair, because without him, that situation would have been so much worse.

He finally feels capable of getting out of bed.

He feels like a feather.

Brendon groans when sitting up, back aching, neck pleading, he stretches.

It's so dark in his room, he can't even tell what time it really is. There's no window, no singing birds, and no whistling trees.

He checks his phone, it's 10:09. He's been laying in bed a lot longer than he thought, but that was alright.

Standing up, his hips are weak. He's just weak right now, gently walking out of his bedroom and into the rest of the apartment where the sun was actually shining through. The lighting does good to the mess of it, it doesn't look that bad but by the time it's evening, it's evident how destroyed his home is.

It matches with his emotional state.

Brendon isn't hungry, maybe just parched.

He checks his messages while grabbing water from the packet of bottles he had gotten a few weeks back.