Loyalty (JoshxBrendonxTyler)

40. Pressure

The rest of Brendon's time at work goes by so unbelievably slow. He sits with one leg bouncing and one hand running through the hair at the nape of his neck; knowing just on the other side of him is the person who he has to expose such a sensitive part of himself to in only a couple hours is terrifying.

He can barely concentrate the rest of the day, too, which is probably the worst part. Everything on his screen is like a blur. Everything his hands do causes them to shake. Everything his brain tries to process is nothing but a mess.

He's a mess.

He's not sure why he is more nervous to tell Luke about his relationship status opposed to Ryan and Ryland, but god, he is. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the two of them were calm and collected when they asked what was happening, unlike him. Maybe they're more trustworthy.

He has no idea. Yet, it doesn't matter. Luke will know soon enough.

Still though, it isn't exactly reassuring. Brendon is nervous, anxious, scared, worried-- all of it. He wants to crawl back in bed again with Tyler and Josh, feel Tyler's nimble fingers in his hair, hum when Josh's nose ring tickles his skin.

Whether it's embarrassing to admit, he misses them already, even if it has only been a few hours since seeing them last.

They're his solace, to say the least.

As things shift, where the clouds come through and all three of them are simply left to mourn, there's somehow still comfort. Although Tyler doesn't pull him into their lap at a time like that, and Josh doesn't focus on him as much as he might of, it doesn't lose any of the thought. He knows they both care just as much as before, even if things have shifted for the time being.

Brendon needs to get used to the shift; the shift is one of the biggest parts of their relationship.

It's taking him a while to learn, but he's getting there.

The next time Brendon glances at the clock, his eyes widen to see he should have started heading out five minutes ago. Immediately though, he starts to close everything off and get ready to do just that. Not home, not where he's safe, but Roscoe's.

Which, in theory, should be safe as well. Especially after what Tyler said about the place being very loving and accepting, it is nice, but not when he's going there to confess, to make amends-- hopefully amends.

He wants Tyler right now. He wants Josh right now.

He isn't going to get them, either.

He has shit to do, and depending on them to feel capable isn't going to get him anywhere.

The most funny part about all of it though is that no matter how much he thinks about it, he has a hard time actually following through. He doesn't want to fall onto them for everything, yet somehow, he can't help it. It's almost like he needs them, which could be worrisome-- which is worrisome, really-- but he's working on getting better with that. It's another reason why he has always been so hesitant being in a relationship; he gets too attached easily.

If it were up to him, he wouldn't have left their house this morning. He would have stayed to hold Tyler more if they wanted him to, kiss Josh if his hair fell into his face one more time.

But no, no, no. He has things to do.

He stands up from his seat and fixes his tie when it feels too tight.

It's time to leave, but not time to breathe. If anything, his throat closes up at the thought of where he is heading. His knees wobble and his chest aches as he peers over everyone in the office.