Loyalty (JoshxBrendonxTyler)

14. Bloom

Brendon chews on his cheek, staring down at his and Tyler's extremely empty messages. He's been doing this since yesterday after seeing them at the coffee shop.

He wants to just do something.

The entire situation is perplexing. Brendon gets paranoid remembering he has to build two relationships for one. It's different, but he realizes everything about Tyler and Josh is different, and he supposed he was too.

He's never thought about it that way until now.

Brendon has never had the opportunity to grow or express himself, while as Tyler and Josh-- assumingly-- have. Brendon's his own worst enemy and holds himself back, refraining himself from blooming. He doesn't know who he is, he doesn't know what he wants, he only knows how feels.

Becoming closer to Josh and Tyler is exciting, so he continues to do it.

Yeah, maybe he doesn't know fully who he is, but does anyone?

Brendon knows who piques his interest, he knows when things are good and when they're bad.

He knows building a relationship with Tyler and Josh is good. More than good.

Brendon grits his teeth, thumbs slowly pressing along the keyboard. He doesn't know what's little and what's too much. He wants to talk freely to Tyler as he does to Josh, but they're not making it that simple. Maybe Brendon's the one making everything so messy.

He just needs to message them.

Hey. I'm really sorry if it feels like I may be avoiding you.

It's an apology, this time he knows it's his fault. This isn't the same with Debby where he was confused about it all, she was evidently in the wrong, Tyler isn't. Tyler's done nothing.

Brendon's done something. Well, he's done a lack of something.

He finally walks out of the dispensary, he was running low again. He runs out fast.

It's suddenly another swarm of paranoia remembering he hasn't told Josh nor Tyler he smokes weed. Although it's normal for him, many people cannot stand it. He hopes they aren't those people, because it's not something he's willing to give up, especially right now.

He has too many things to expose.

Brendon's phone goes off, bile nearly rises in his throat.

It's fine. I get it.

Brendon purposefully not talking to Tyler is not okay. Brendon not being honest with Tyler is not okay. Brendon not treating them the same way he treats Josh is not okay. Nothing about what Brendon has been doing is fine.

It's not fine though. I feel really bad.

Admitting this stirs his stomach. He doesn't feel well, but he hopes this will help them both move forward. Because Tyler knows now, Tyler knows maybe he was avoiding them but it wasn't doing any good.

Brendon is terrified of the world.

Really, don't worry about it.

Okay.

Of course he'll worry about it. He worries about everything.