Loyalty (JoshxBrendonxTyler)

18. Ashamed

Every flower blooms on its own sweet time.

Fortunes are a funny thing, Brendon thinks. He doesn't know if taking guidance from a small slip of paper in a cookie is very practical, but it's definitely interesting to see how accurate things can get.

Pathetically, he keeps the fortune tucked behind his phone case, maybe as a good luck charm, maybe false hope, he isn't sure.

When Brendon had come back from lunch, he doesn't have time to talk to Lukas, he had quite a few hours left ahead of him and he'd much rather do his job than fall behind because of slacking off to talk to a friend.

Besides, it wasn't that important, was it?

He shrugs it off, deciding to tell him tomorrow.

He was nervous thinking about it, not having told Luke about Josh nor Tyler.

How would he react?

Brendon doesn't have the courage to tell him about Tyler, that's for sure. Even the thought of telling his friend about Josh makes him uneasy.

He'll have to figure it out tomorrow, in the meantime, he's busy.

***

On Wednesday, Brendon spends the morning trying to ease down the anxiety building up. This is proven difficult; his foot taps repeatedly against the floor, cheeks get chewed raw, and his hands tremble on the mouse.

He worries too much.

He can't pinpoint where the nerves are coming from exactly. It could be the fact that Brendon just replays the whole incident with Debby in his head, or it could be the fact that he's scared to tell Lukas he's seeing a man. It could be the fact that he feels an overwhelming amount of guilt knowing he won't tell him about Tyler.

When will he tell anyone?

He doesn't want to keep them a secret because of his own insecurities, and it's sad knowing that feels like the only reasonable option, though.

Brendon wants to tell people how good of a cook Tyler is, and how peculiar all their outfits are. He wants to tell people that he's only ever seen them paint their thumbs, and that they have a lot to say but keep to themself most of the time.

Yet, he doesn't.

He can't, it seems.

One emotion always overpowers the other. Terror over adoration.

It's foolish how much negativity rules over him; positivity sinks low to his toes and doesn't rise until he forces it to.

Right now, it feels impossible to force it, so when he meets Lukas in the break room, he makes sure to take the deepest breath he can to keep himself steady, ready, comfortable enough.

"You may have ditched me yesterday, but I still brought you food." Luke chuckles, popping the Cup 'O Noodle in the microwave.

Brendon lips turn upwards. "Thanks."

The breakroom only has a few other coworkers inside today. Coworkers he'll certainly never talk to. They keep in one corner, on their phones, only speaking when they feel generous enough to. They're definitely the type of people he'd like to stay away from although he's admittedly done it himself with Debby.

That's a different situation, though.

Debby. . . He hasn't seen her much either, it's a good thing.

Ryan and Ryland pass by every once and awhile to say hello, she stays at her cubicle.

Things are going rather well, he'd say.