different // vlog squad

twenty eight

(listen to the song if you want to feel super into the story, love u.)

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ALEXA'S POV

He holds his hand out, and I look at it dangle in front of me. There was no use to this anymore, why was he trying? I can't do it. I can't not take his very holdable hand in mine, it isn't a choice. So I take it, and he smiles at me which I return. He will always make me smile, no doubt about it. 

We all walk out to our separate cars, and I end up driving with Alex, Matt, and Erin. I sit next to Matt as Alex slides in next to me, making me stiffen at his touch. There is no way to get around this, I know that he wants to end things and it sucks. It really sucks. Especially when he won't tell me how he really feels. The drive is really calm, all I can focus on is Erin talking to Matt about something and Alex's hand in mine.

Once we get to the restaurant, the whole time he acts the same, looking over at me at random times. Every time he does I look away, trying not to make eye contact. He's making it so hard to hate him, and I know I don't have to but it will hurt less when we break up. He notices this and tries to grab my hand, which I quickly move away from his touch. From the corner of my eye I can see his look flatten, and I try to avoid any possible eye contact. Why is he trying so hard if he's just going to end up hurting me in the end?

Nobody sees this interaction, and I sigh in relief turning back to the table, trying to listen to something Matt was saying. Of course his voice was drained out by the constant beat of my heart, that was beating uncontrollably. It was hard to focus on anything since Alex's eyes were staring into mine, even though I wasn't looking at him. Finally after I decide to take a quick glance, his facial expression seems confused and hurt. I ask myself the familiar question of why does he care?

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The whole breakfast is like this, me trying to focus on anything but him. He was acting so differently and now I know why, but he pretended like everything was fine. This was the end of this, I wasn't going to pretend anymore. I finally look over at the brown-haired boy at my side and whisper in his ear, "I need to talk to you, now."

He doesn't respond just nods, sliding us both out of the booth. We excuse ourselves from the table full of people and they show mixed expressions, letting us go. We find our way to the exit of the restaurant where we came in just an hour before. I lead him out into the warm air, letting the wind blow my hair every-which way. It's a weird silence, but I finally turn towards him making eye contact. His blue eyes seemed extra pretty today, as the sun reflected against them. 

Whenever I tried to let words come out, they wouldn't. It felt like one of those cliche love movies where the boy was supposed to admit his love for you and it would all be okay. But it wasn't one of those movies, we were outside of a waffle house in the middle of LA. We weren't one of those exceptionally good looking movie characters who had sparkling eyes and a gorgeous smile, at least I wasn't. He sure had it. 

Even though it wasn't a movie, it sure felt like it. "Whats wrong? Tell me." He asks, his voice low looking around at our surroundings. 

Finally my voice regained it's sound, letting out my small voice. "You lied to me, Alex. You acted like we were fine and all of this was fine. But in reality you were going to break up with me, right when I need you the most. It sucks that you still pretended like you cared today, you lied right to my face. I've been hurt like this before and I thought you would finally be different. But you're not, and I'm not. Everything ends for a reason, right? Thats what my mom and dad used to always say. But I finally realized that things end because things do. It doesn't have to be for a reason, it just ends."

"What are you talking about?" He asks, his eyes darting around looking at everything but me. 

"I'm talking about how you talked to Todd, you told him that I wanted David and not you. I can't even explain how wrong you are Alex. You're so fucking wrong about that. I put so much trust in you and you didn't even trust me. But the thing that hurts the most is that I loved you. I admitted that to you. 

"Loved?"

"Yes loved, as in past-tense. I'm sorry Alex." I say quietly than before, my voice finally letting go of it's loud state. There was a warmth on my cheeks and I hadn't even realized I was crying. He looks at me and I don't say anything more, just walk away faster than I ever had. 

"Alexa wait!" I can hear him yell behind me so I start to run, knowing he won't be able to catch me. Like I said this isn't a movie, it won't end in one of those cliche-ways. It never works like that. It wasn't any worse than Charlie and I's breakup, which resulted in him cheating on me with my best friend. But even when he did that with Lexi, it hurt less than this. 

I didn't want anyone to see me in this state, I just wanted to be done with this all. Just three months ago I moved to this place, thinking that I would be able to get way from everything that happened back in England. But I was so wrong, everything came back. I've already had a boyfriend and have been hurt once again. Maybe this whole love thing isn't for me, it never has been. 

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I was able to walk back to hospital, entering the familiar lobby. Nobody was there anymore, since they were all at breakfast or doing something else. I wonder if Alex ever went back inside, making up an excuse to why I left or had done something else.

Then something happens, I hear a scream of joy and it follows with a husky voice yelling. Immediately I identify the voice as my friend's, and follow the yelling. It came from the floor above and I ran upstairs as quick as I could, seeing them standing outside a room looking inside. "What the fuck are you guys doing?" I ask, walking towards Todd, Leah, and Scott. Todd was walking now, but that didn't seem like the thing they were cheering about, since this isn't Todd's room.

Then I turn my attention to the window in front me,

the familiar blonde-haired girl was awake, looking right back at us.

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WORD COUNT: 1,254

yes queen is awake!! no but in all serious-ness this chapter was all over the place and made me cry. but i hope you all enjoyed and i'm sorry for not posting in a long time. also, sorry if this was super dramatic i didn't know how to write it so it wasn't lol. but anyways, thank u all for reading i love u all xo. -a