𝘱𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 (𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥)

chapter thirty eight

Harry

It's been two weeks, two weeks since I've spoken to Zayn. We usually talk to one another at least three or four times a week, but I haven't been to see him yet. Not because of what had occurred the last time I saw him, but because on that same day I had rambled an apology to Liam when I had got back. Of course he accepted, and since then he has not let me out of his sights. He's been trying to cram all the time he could possibly have with me into a day and a week. We've been non stop going out here and there, spending loads of time together and he's just been all over me.

It's been tiring and I couldn't help but feel a little suffocated. Then again, I understood why he was doing it. I was neglecting this relationship and failed to really be a good boyfriend to him, so I guess he deserved to have a lot more time with me. At the same time though, I still also needed a little me time. Plus, I felt bad for not having contact Zayn. He's always expectant to see me, but now that I haven't been there he's probably worried that he did something to make me not wanna talk. That isn't the case at all, I've just got my hands tied right with Liam. I have no idea how I could possibly go anywhere without him tagging along and holding so tightly.

After a nearly full day of being out in the sun doing multiple activities, we finally came back into the tower. It was mid-afternoon and we'd just came back in from playing beach valley ball, couple's style with Niall and Louis. I couldn't say it wasn't fun, it was always fun when hanging out with everyone together. We always had a good laugh and made some pretty great memories. But, I was tired. I just wanted to sit down- or maybe lay down instead and watch a show or just settle in quietness. I knew that was barely likely to happen because I doubt Liam was done for the day. He probably would suggest cuddling with me on the sofa and watching a movie, which would probably not be much of actually watching the movie without the kissing or Liam breaking my attention to ask or tell me something.

Not that I minded it, but I was just tired and Liam was being so extremely clingy! I did not have the heart to tell him that though. He's been feeling hurt, and he needed me, I felt bad that I made him feel that way. So, I guess I could just suck it up and go with it. After all, he was my boyfriend and that's what couples do, spend time together. I mean, Louis and Niall didn't seem to mind being attached at the hip twenty four seven, so why did I have such a hard time with it with Liam? I could easily say that years ago, Zayn and I had been the same way.

Always together, inseparable.

Why didn't I feel that way with Liam? It always just felt so forced with him. Even though I've only ever been in one other relationship before him, I never had to try this hard just to be with someone like I did with Liam. It was exhausting, but if it made Liam as happy as he seemed, then I suppose ya okay. I wanted to make him happy, I wanted my friends to be happy, I wanted everyone to be happy, even if I truly wasn't. It was the most I could do for being the debby downer I was before. So, when Liam suggested we instead go to his room to chill, I agreed.

After changing into some comfy clothes, and Liam grabbing a couple of snacks, we head back to his room to have a little movie marathon. I knew I'd probably end up sleeping in here, so I made myself as comfortable as possible, settling next to Liam in bed. Apparently there was a lot romance movies on the list, when I realized they'd kept playing which was weird because I swore Liam hated them. Through out the movies, he'd place gentle kisses on my cheek, my temple, my neck or my shoulder, constantly run his hands through my hair or whisper something sweet in my ear.

As hours passed and three movies, the sun set outside and things got a little more intense.

"Li, why'd you turn off the tv? I actually liked that movie." I say, as I turn around to face him, raising an eyebrow. Liam just smiles and leans in to kiss my nose. I give him a confused look.

"Enough movies for tonight, I kinda just wanna kiss you." He tells me, as his hand that's still around my waist, rubs my back softly. I bite my lip, just staring at him for a few seconds not really knowing how to respond.

"Um, we could j-" Instead of finishing my sentence, Liam interrupts me as he presses his lips firmly against mine. He pulls back just for a second.

"Shh, no talking, just kissing." He says, before reconnecting our lips. I am a little confused at first, but then again he did like have these little make out sessions. So, slowly I let my eyes shut and kiss him back. Kissing Liam felt different, it always had since we first kissed. It never really felt exactly right, but I never protested against it. Our kisses were usually sloppy and rushed. No matter how long it would last, I could never get fully into it. I usually just followed whatever Liam was doing. It just didn't feel right, and even more now.

And it felt even worse as our kiss deepened and rapidly started to become way more intense. It was all moving too fast for me and I wasn't really able to process anything at all. Liam became increasingly handsy, touching me all over, and soon his tongue invaded my mouth. I tried to keep up, but he was just everywhere. I didn't even register that he climbed on top of me, until I felt him in between my legs grinding down on me and attempting to create some type of friction between us. I could feel his bulge against my crotch, and I started to grow uncomfortable.

No, I couldn't do this, not now. I wasn't ready for this step in our relationship, I couldn't possibly have sex with Liam. It didn't feel right, nothing felt right, and I didn't want to do this anymore.

As Liam begin to lift up my shirt, I shake my head and push him away. Liam looks at me with confusion.

"What's wrong babe?"

I nearly cringe. Not even the pets names sounded right coming from him. What was happening to me?

"I don't want to..." I trail off. Liam frowns.

"Why? Did I do something wrong? Was it too fast?"

"No, I just- I'm not ready to go there." I whisper, biting my lip.

"Why not? Harry, we've been dating for nearly nine months now, I thought you'd be ready to go a step further with me." Liam says. I shake my head, sitting up causing Liam to back off some more as I wrap my arms around myself as if I'm cold.

"I know, but I just can't.."

"Nearly a year Harry, when will you fully want to be with me?" Liam asks. I could hear the irritation in his voice rising, which made me feel even worse than I already did. Why did I always feel like crap with him?

"I do Liam, I just don't want to do that yet." I tell him sadly. Liam huffs heavily and nods.

"Okay, fine." He says lowly, before grabbing the blanket and getting underneath it, lying back down facing away from me. I reach over and touch his arm.

"Liam, I'm sorry." I try. Liam just shrugs.

"It's okay, good night Harry." He mumbles.

I place my hands in my lap, looking down sadly.

"Good night."

~