A Home That Wasn't There// Alex Gaskarth [COMPLETED]

chapter twenty

"Well, I didn't want to tell him you weren't home and them make him wait." I said.

He groaned, still sounding angry.

"You don't get it, do you? You got out of an awful situation and you just practically threw yourself back into it! What if he was getting you distracted so somebody could come and kidnap you? What if he was one of those fans who called you a piece of shit?" Alex snapped.

I don't like it when people yell at me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Yeah, you should be! What on earth were you thinking when you thought to let some guy into the house? He could have- I don't even want to say it. But he could have raped you." Alex sighed.

I sniffled a bit, he was right.

I looked up at Alex, who was staring at me. With such anger and concern, but he visibly softened.

He reached out for my arms, which were crossed and set on the table.

"Don't touch me right now." I said softly.

I got up and left the table, right when Lisa came in from the back deck.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Nothing, it's fine." I replied and went to my room.

I shut the door and locked it.

I wanted to kneel so badly, but Alex would get mad at me.

Jack. I had to call Jack.

I opened Lisa's old laptop that she had given me, and went to face time Jack.

"Hey kiddo! Why do you look upset?" He asked when he answered.

"Alex and I fought. Well, he more of gave a strict conversation, and I was quiet the whole time. I don't know, it upset me I guess." I said.

"Want to tell me about it?" He asked.

"Well, earlier today Alex told me that the boy across the street would be mowing the lawn and taking care of it while he was on tour. I was like okay fine, can I know what he looks like in case I have to answer the door or something. So he gave me a vague discription. Fast forward to like half an hour ago. He came over to ask if Alex and Lisa were still home because they haven't discussed payment and when he should start or whatever. I said no because they were at the store but they should be back in like ten minutes so I invited him in. And he introduced himself, as Dean. The kid that Alex said was going to be mowing the lawn.

When Alex and Lisa came home, Dean and I were still talking. But Alex made it his mission to ask him as many questions as possible. Then when Dean left Alex proceeded to yell at me all the possibilities of what could happen to me because I didn't want to leave a fifteen year old on the porch for ten minutes." I told him.

Jack thought for a minute.

"Well. In some points, Alex is right. But it gave him no right to yell at you like that." Jack said.

I nodded.

"Well. If you want, I can talk to Alex for you." Jack said, just as Lisa started yelling.

"Sounds like Lisa is already doing that." I replied.

"Let me know if you need anything else. Love you kiddo."

"Love you too. Bye Jack."

We hung up, and I flopped back onto the bed.

The yelling ceased, and there was a small knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I asked quietly.

"Alex and Lisa."

I sighed and got off the bed, and unlocked my door.

I opened the door to see a red faced Lisa and a red eyed Alex.

"Somebody, would like to apologize." Lisa said, elbowing Alex pretty hard.

"Can I come in?" Alex asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

He walked in, shut the door behind him.

"Can I sit?" He asked.

"Of course."

He sat in my desk chair, so I sat in my egg chair.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I know how you feel when people yell. But did you get what I was saying?" Alex said.

"I did get what you were saying. But you still didn't have to yell. I get you were concerned." I replied.

Alex nodded.

He seemed genuinely upset.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I was just scared of what could have happened to you." Alex said after about ten minutes of silence.

"Hey. I get it. It's your job as a dad to get worried." I replied.

Alex eventually asked me something super personal.

"What is your depression like?"

"One, I haven't been diagnosed. Two, for me. It's an odd rollercoaster. One minute I feel like I'm on top of the world, and then with the flip of a switch. I'm down. I feel low. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed for a day. Some times it's two weeks. Then I'll get out of bed like nothing happened. Then it's coupled with anxiety sometimes, so then I wonder if people hate me because I'm depressed or if people think I'm pathetic." I replied.

Alex made that face, the one that tells me it's okay to keep talking.

"And, I either sleep too much or I don't sleep at all. I've gone five days without sleeping. When I stood up, my vision would go black. I'd tell people how I was feeling, and people would say I was looking for attention." I added.

"Do you want to see a doctor? Or a therapist? I would like to let you know how I felt about therapy. Because I went, after my brother passed away. And I never liked it. But, it may be different for you. So, if you want. You can try it out for a couple sessions and see if you'd like to continue or not." Alex said.

"But, one thing I did find helpful. My therapist told me to start keeping a journal after I said I wanted to quit seeing him. I started therapy when I was twelve, quit ten sessions in, and I've still been keeping journals for eighteen years. It helps a lot." Alex added.

And presented me with a perfect moleskin journal.

"And you can write whatever you want in this. This is your private thing. And nobody is allowed to read it, unless you want them to." He said.

"Thank you Alex. And, I'll get back to you on that whole doctor and therapist thing." I replied.

He nodded and got up.

He gave me a tight hug, something he always does, and left the room.

"Just know, that I will always love you. Even when you scare the living crap out of me."