Hate Filled Heart | Michael Kuza/ Chris Motionless-Chris Cerulli

I Long For A Love That I Know I Can't Have

"Talk? What would we need to talk about, Chris?" I ask, taking my hands back.

He sighs and looks at the floor.

"Us, of course." He spoke, softly.

"Us? There hasn't been an us since we broke it off while Michael was still touring, remember?" I asked, hoping he did.

He nods and shrugs, slightly. "That's what you chose. I didn't want to stop seeing you at all, I still don't." I look at my clammy hands.

Why does he make me this nervous?

"Why? There is really nothing to obsess over me..."

"I am not fucking obsessed!" he snapped but quickly calmed down.

"O-okay...sorry. Ryan mentioned something like that...I just-sorry." I apologized, making him touch my thigh, squeezing it, tightly.

"Ryan doesn't know shit. I didn't need a fucking intervention, I needed to see you." He growled, lowly.

I nodded and looked at him. "We had to be away from each other. It...we weren't healthy together. The fact we hurt someone in the process just-" his soft, pierced lips silenced me.

Pulling away, leaving me speechless, he sighed, "I love you." He said but I was still speechless from that luscious kiss. "I love you." He repeated, softly. "In time, would you, maybe think about officially being my girlfriend..?" He asked, shyly.

"I-I..." I started but yawned, accidentally interrupting myself.

"Are you sleepy?" He asked caressing my face. I nod but shrug it off.

"Its fine. I'll sleep lat-" yet again, I was cut by my yawn.

"No, Ill let you sleep, baby. We'll talk tomorrow." He said, pushing me to lay down. I scooted back to the head of the bed, watching Chris watch me.

"While you rest, I'll go shower. Sasha should be here with our clothes in about ten minutes. I'll be out by then. You just...sleep." He says, heading to the bathroom.

I stare after him and wait for him to close the door. I take my shoes off, take out my phone and set it on the small bedside table, I take off my necklaces and take off my shirt, leaving me in my spaghetti strap shirt.

I get under the covers and turn to face the opposite direction of the bed. I stare at a wall, closing my eyes slowly, falling asleep.

*********

I wake up the exact same way I went to sleep. At least I know Chris respects me enough to not take advantage of me while I sleep.

I turn on my back and look around. Right beside me lay Chris. One arm over his bare chest and the other under his head. His ankles crossed. The only thing he wore were a pair of boxers, showing the erection he gets every morning. His body is on the edge of the bed, as if he wanted to keep his distance.

I appreciated that...

Slowly and carefully, I get up and see my suitcase. Only one of them. I go to it, get my makeup and an outfit then head for the shower. I notice I forgot my shaver, so I sneak back to the suitcase. I also see Chris's suitcase beside mine. Within the pockets, I see a bottle of alcohol. It's half empty. Poor guy.

I grab it, my shaver and go to the bathroom. After pouring the liquid into the sink, I turn the faucet on and throw away the bottle. I turn it off when I don't smell the alcohol anymore then go shower. Once I'm done, I get dressed, do my makeup, fix my hair and go out into the room.

Chris still lays there but this time, his body is in the center and he's cuddling the pillow I used. He looks so peaceful and sweet.

Quietly, I walk up to the bed and sit on the edge. I sigh and turn to his unconscious body. My hand caresses his hair which is still kind of perfect even after sleep.