Hate Filled Heart | Michael Kuza/ Chris Motionless-Chris Cerulli

Our Worst Wounds We Inflict Upon Ourselves

[Chris]

It's Tuesday today...Dahlia and I have hardly spoken to each other without feeling some sort of disappointment in one another.

I mean, all I want is for her to be sure. I can't have a baby. With my career, my schedule, who has time for an unwanted child? Am I willing to leave Dahlia if she ends up pregnant? I don't know. Maybe...maybe not.

We've been upset about the subject for three days now and we're wasting time when we should really be together these next few days. I leave Thursday for fucks sake! I want to spend them with my girlfriend!

"Dahlia?" I break our three hour long silence. She sits on the recliner, reading a book while I sit on her other couch, scrolling through my phone, texting some friends.

She looks up from her page and waits for me to speak.

"If I apologize for walking out on you that morning, can we stop being mad at each other?" I ask, watching her face soften.

Dahlia close her thick book and sets it down on her lap.

"I guess..." She says, softly. I sigh and put my phone away, ignoring the incoming messages.

I gaze into her eyes and smile, softly. "Baby, I'm sorry. It's just that I worry. I never want a kid, and I know you never do either. Kids lead to marriage, and I never want to get married. You don't either. I'm just saying that we need to see where our life will lead us if we do get...a baby." I explained everything to her and I watched her expression change.

"Chris, I'm not pregnant, okay. A woman knows..." she says, lifting her black MIW hoodie, showing me her still flat pale stomach.

"A woman knows? Not all women do, babe, that's the problem." I say, annoyed by her stubbornness.

"Noooo, the problem is the fact you can't drop this!" She hisses, angrily.

I growl, "Ergh, you're unbelievable!!!" I spit.

She scoffs, "Oh, I'm unbelievable?! Look at yourself, Cerulli! You're freaking out over a possibility of me getting pregnant when you know damn well I would've gotten pregnant already! Its been way too long for me to not have gotten impregnated by you, man!" She grabs her book and storms to the staircase.

I grab her arm and pull her to me, staring deep into her eyes.

"Don't walk away from me." I say, lowly. Her eyes begin to glisten and my face softens.

"I'm just scared, okay..." She whispers, walking back to the recliner. I sit on the couch and stare at her.

"Scared? Of what, babe?" I ask, tenderly. I don't want her mad at me anymore. It's stupid to ignore each other for this long.

She inhales, deeply. "I don't want you scaring me with the thought of actually being a mom. Truth is, we never told anyone about, Mike and I had a pregnancy scare three months into our relationship." she explains causing me to gasp.

"Really?" I question in disbelief. She nods, slightly.

"He left me one day because he was too afraid of responsibility. The next day he came over with a test and demanded I take it. It came out negative then we got back together. The fact he would've left me if I was pregnant broke me so bad...I was afraid you'd do the same. That's why I keep denying it. Your mind is just like his, Chris. I know you'd leave me if I was stuck with an unwanted child." She cried, softly into her hands.

I went and knelt before her. "Baby, look at me." I say, cupping her face. Her eyes are closed shut. "Look at me, dammit!" I plead, causing her to flip her lids open. "Yes, I'm terrified of responsibility that big, and yes, I am against starting a family that way, but listen to me." She drops her face. "Listen to me, Dahlia. I will not leave you to take on all that responsibility by yourself like Kuza would've." She slowly picks her face up and sniffles.

"You'd stay with me?" I nod.

"It wouldn't be the life I want but, you and I possibly created a life, a human. Together, we suffer with that responsibility. It's my fault as much as it is yours." I said every word full of honesty. She understands where I'm coming from.

Dahlia reaches her arms and wraps them around my neck. I lean in and wrap mine around her waist. I pick her up and take her upstairs.

I set her on her bed and go back to the door. "Get dressed, baby. I'm taking you out today." I wink before leaving her to change outfits.

I walk back downstairs and wait up, while texting my friends back.

The rest of the day consisted of going to the park and playing in the snow, eating at Sheetz then going to the movies.

By the end of the night, we made up pretty well. Protected this time, just in case we weren't too late...

Short chapter, I know. At least tell me if it was good.

~Dahlia Slaughter