Saturn- Brallon

3 | b r e n d o n

I've been in the hospital before. It's not the first time my lungs have done something like this. My mom is worried that it will have a long term effect but I think I should be fine.

I had bronchitis when I was five. It was caused by a bacterial infection but they gave me antibiotics and I was fine. I should have been. My mom worried as hard as she could while my dad kept me company and read me books about space. That's where the obsession came from.

I also have asthma. It's minor. Mostly acts up when pollination starts and it's the reason my dad quit smoking. He used to smoke a pack a day but stopped because it was harmful to me.

So, it's not the first time my lungs, bronchi, bronchioles, or alveoli have fucked up. But it's the first time in 6 years that I'll have to stay in the hospital. It's only a few days but they really creep me out.

Here's what happened:

I passed out. I forgot to eat all day or even keep hydrated but apparently it was good timing because my being sick was caused from pneumonia. I wouldn't have to stay in the hospital if my temperature wasn't so high. The doctor was concerned because I'm also a healthy teenager but then she found out I've had problems before.

I woke up in a hospital room hearing my mom talk to the doctor about my other problems and the doctor began to do the physical. She used the stethoscope too and apparently heard the sounds that pneumonia makes.

And now we're here. I'm watching shitty TV while my mom plays candy crush on her phone. It's been a day and the nurse yesterday is back today, but he isn't my nurse. I keep seeing him run around the hallways occasionally smiling at everyone he sees. My nurse todays name is Hannah. She has really black hair. She's pretty and nice.

Patrick stopped by for an hour and we had some good laughs. He brought me my school assignments that I've missed and my mom thanked him with a big hug.

I look to the assignments and sit up, startling my mom because she thought I was asleep. She sat up and asked if I needed anything. I just need some air. The air in here is stiff and thick. My chest still feels tight but not as bad as yesterday.

"I know, I keep asking you this, but are you okay? It's a lot. Your dad and then this. It's okay if you need a minute." My mom sat on the bed and held my hand.

"I can't breathe." She laughs lightly, nodding her head before realizing what I said. She runs out and gets a nurse, who pages a doctor before running in to the room and checking everything.

My heart feels like it's going to explode or beat out of my chest. I hear it pounding in my ears, it's so loud and I can't think of anything else. I can't catch my breath, I can't catch my breath, I can't catch my breath. My mouth is unbearably dry and my throat feels like sandpaper. It's like the air trying to get out isn't making it and is getting scratched and broken from the paper.

"Did he take his antibiotics?" She asks urgently, my mom nods her head and the doctor runs in. "He took his meds, his monitors look clean. His heart rate is rising rapidly."

"Is he having a panic attack?" My mom asked nervously. All I could do was sit there trying to breathe as I watched them run around frantically.

"It's h-hot..."

Dr. Williams pressed her hand to my forehead and let out a deep breath. "Panic attack." She tells my mom. "Try to take a deep breath."

She motioned for me to breathe in and breathe out. I watch her shoulders rise and then fall and listen to her breaths. Hannah watched the monitor and saw it going back to normal very slowly.

"Is this the first time he's had one?" Dr. Williams asks. My mom shakes her head and swallows the visible lump in her throat. "My daughter gets panic attacks all the time." She tells my mom. "Come outside?"

And then they leave. And I'm all alone while Hannah writes on the small whiteboard across from me. She sends a quick smile my way before leaving out the door to hear what the doctor and my mom are talking about.

I take a deep breath and watch as the nurse from yesterday walked by and smiled at Hannah.

If this is what a panic attack is, I don't think I want to have a panic attack ever again.

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im getting my wisdom teeth out today 🤙🤙 wish me luck ig???

-jj