Saturn- Brallon

36 | d a l l o n

"Hey, what's up?" I answer the sudden call. Perfect timing, I was just going to see Ryan.

"I just had a panic attack." Brendon says on the other end.

I stop in my tracks as the terrifying words 'panic' and 'attack'. "Oh my gosh are you okay?" Of course he's not okay, who would be? Panic attacks are the worst.

"Yeah I'm fine." He breathes out. I think he's even happy about it.

"What happened?"

"I was sitting on my bed and suddenly I couldn't breathe." He says excitedly. I can't believe it, he is happy about it.

"What were you thinking about?"

"My books." He whispers casually. On his end I hear him rustling around his room.

I ponder the information in my head. Tossing it around thinking of what that could possibly mean. "That's it?"

"And my dad." He admits.

"I see. Are you gonna be okay?"

A lady pushed past me in the hallway, forcing me to the wall while I wait for a reply. I hope he's okay.

He takes longer than expected, to the point where I check my phone to see if the call was lost. "I think so. You're gonna pick me up after work right?"

"Yeah, but I can get off early if you want."

Smooth, Dallon. Any excuse to hangout with him more.

"No, no. It's okay. I'll be fine until you get off. Which is...?"

"Five. I get off at five. Do you want me to pick something up to eat?" I tap the wall behind me and listen to the dead silence of his thinking. He thinks too long.

"Or we could go out?"

"Okay." I take a breath holding the phone away from my ear. I knew I shouldn't have gone to work. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay, Dallon. I'm sorry for calling so abruptly, too."

"No, don't be. You can call me anytime, even if you don't have a reason to." I whisper into the phone and hear soft breathing on the other end. "I'll see you after work, okay?"

"Okay. And hey, keep me updated on Ryan."

"Will do."

The call ends in a sharp click telling me that it's time to get up from the wall and to finally find out how Ryan is doing. I haven't seen him in a while.

He's immediately excited when he sees me, throwing his hands in the air and cheering, "Finally, someone interesting!"

I plant myself in a chair beside his bed and let out the biggest sigh I have ever had.

"Oh god I don't want to hear about your problems-"

"You know, when I met Brendon he was sick. Is that bad? That I'm dating an old patient?"

"Here we go." Ryan whispers, sitting up and holding his chin in his hands to listen to me talk. "Look, I'm biased because when I get out of here I'm gonna be an ex-patient and I would do anything for, like, one night with you." He spits out as casual as possible. That's Ryan for you. Never holds back.

"Okay, but you see, we only got to see each other again because he had a panic attack. Now he's having them and I'm the number one person he calls."

"Well, yeah. I would call my boyfriend if I had a panic attack, wouldn't you?"

"I guess you're right."

I sigh again while he just looks at me with a dead and vacant stare. A signature Ryan stare. "There's something else, isn't there."

"I feel like we're rushing."

Ryan groans, shaking his head before talking. "You knew each other for over a month before dating. If anything you're taking things slow. Me and Brendon started dating a few days after we met. Of course we met and then went on a couple of dates and then declared ourselves lovers, but that's besides the point." He rambles on. "You guys are fine."

"Thanks, Ry." I smile up at him as happily as I can. I shouldn't be this torn up about a panic episode, but it's scary. Those things are hard to go through alone.

"Have you slept together yet?" Ryan asks abruptly.

"No!" I hope he doesn't hear the possible lie in my voice. We haven't slept together, but we've slept in the same bed together. Sleeping together means two different things and right now I'm not sure which one he's asking about.

"Like not even a sleepover?"

"Oh, yeah we did last night."

He smiles widely and falls dramatically to lie down. "You guys are too cute oh my gosh. I miss him. When is he coming to see me?"

"Couldn't tell ya."

"Do you miss him?"

"Always."

I stand up and begin to do my job. Checking him for anything out of the ordinary. His stats are the same and nothing is out of line. He currently is waiting for a new heart and during the process he spends his time heckling passers and giving every nurse except me a hard time.

I knew Ryan before he was a patient. I'm not sure I'm even allowed to be his nurse, but we're not immediate family so I think they let it slide. Ryan dated one of my coworkers and before they switched to a different hospital outside of state he slowly became my friend. The same way I'm slowly becoming friends with Awsten, who should be in the room any moment now.

But Ryan is different. He's been living without a heart for a couple of weeks now. After Brendon was released for the second time, Ryan was facing near death if the doctors didn't get his heart out. So they made the decision to keep him here— not like it was much of a difference from what he was doing before. He basically lived in the hospital from too many frequent visits caused from his heart.

And yet, he still manages to maintain a happy mood and enough energy to shit on other people's happiness. That's Ryan, only he can be happy. But I love him, he's a good friend. And what his ex-girlfriend did to him was complete bullshit because he's only ever kind to people he likes.

"Hey, are you working late today?" He pokes my side roughly causing me to act like I'm in more pain than I really am.

I recheck all his monitors and record them down on the chart. "No, I have a date. I'm going out with Brendon."

"Stop by after?"

"I'll run it through Bren."

He smiles sadly before tapping his fingers on the table.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, totally."

"You don't sound okay. If it's because I talked about me and Brendon, you gotta tell me."

"No, it's not. Trust me. We're past that." He reassures me with a huge smile on his face. It's almost hard to tell that he's faking it. "It's just that having no heart is really lonely."

-

me?? planning on postponing further updates for no reason??? more likely than you think.

see ya next time 👋

-jj