Saturn- Brallon

25 | b r e n d o n

I wake up to a few voices and the feeling of warmth. I feel hot and sweaty and it's kind of gross.

"He still sleeping?" The voice behind me mumbles over my ear.

"Yep." The voice in front of me responds quietly.

I don't open my eyes. I don't want to. I feel so tired. And not the 'fatigue', it's more sleepy.

Not to mention I'm kind of worried with how I managed to fall asleep. All I remember is Dallon being in the room and then his hand grazing my arm. His warm breath on my neck. His hand on my stomach tugging me closer.

Also, I remember sleeping with my glasses on so now I think I'm going blind. Unless Dallon took them off while I was sleeping. If so, thanks.

He's still here. His arm locked around me. I think he was talking to Awsten. I sink lower into the bed and cover myself up with the blanket. How awkward is it when your nurse sees you cuddling your boyfriend? No, how awkward is it when your coworker sees you cuddling your boyfriend so he would sleep?

Dallon's hands began to move across my stomach again and his breathing became softer, more scarce.

"Good morning." He mumbled.

I throw the blanket down and look to the window. It's dark out. "It's not morning." I cover myself up again, trying my best to fall back asleep. "How long?"

"Four hours. You slept for four hours." He sounds upset about it. "Sorry, Awsten had to do his thing. He disrupted your adorable snoring."

"I don't snore." I inform him. "Did you sleep?"

"I shouldn't have, but I did." I hear his smile in his voice. I can't help but move closer.

I yawn, brushing my hand on my head and nearly gagging. I'm so sweaty. More than I thought. "You should get back to work."

He stops his hand and tries to look at me better. "I don't have to if you don't want me to."

"I don't." I mumble. "But you should."

"They don't want me to work." He says worryingly and moves his head to my shoulder. He makes it seem like I'm trying to make him leave. If anything I want him to stay forever.

"So dont." I say, earning his hand to keep tracing on my stomach. It feels so nice. "I do have to shower, though."

He slides his hand out of my grasp and suddenly the bed feels empty. I wish I didn't say that. I look behind me and he's stretching. "A long four hours." He smiles at me, so I smile back. I sit up and stretch too, because he's right, it was a long four hours.

He helps me with getting to the shower and says he'll wait outside if I need anything.

I wish he would sit in here with me, but that's a bit much to ask. I mean, I just want him to be here so I'm not lonely. Alone, with myself, trying to think of anything but what's bringing me down. But the cuddling was the most we'd done. It's a lot to ask of him.

I sit on the provided stool and feel the hot water run down my back. My breaths are heavy- as always- and my hands are very cold.

Without Dallon (or anyone) in here, I'm stuck to think about what to do. What am I supposed to do? What's wise? What would my dad say? I don't know.

Should I even try? I should just give up. What's the harm in that? Not like I spent my entire high school life doing everything and anything I could to get in to the school of my dreams. Not like I took extra classes that I didn't need just to be safe.

I just feel like I've wasted everything. All the things I've sacrificed, and for this? For my dreams to be crushed and to feel like everyone in my life has little to no hope for my success? It's all stupid and dumb and wish I could go back in time and spend it all partying and living my life to the fullest if this was how my life is to turn out. I'm going to be a freeloader for the rest of my life because I'll never get a job knowing that at any second I could combust and die. My lungs will give up on me like everyone else in my life has.

This stupid disease. These stupid lungs. My stupid life. I can't handle this. I can't. I'm a fresh adult and now I'm expected to handle shitty lungs and bad luck? I won't do it. I give-

Dallon's knocking on the door. "You okay Brendon?"

"Peachy." I mumble.

I scratch my arm above the plastic wrap keeping my cast safe and wonder just what would happen if I took off the wrap? Surely a new cast. Or maybe a soggy one for the entire eight weeks. It's itchy. Horrible. Everything is horrible.

The water stops. I didn't wash my hair.

"The water turned cold." A voice behind the curtains informed me of my water situation. I was aware it was cold. Maybe I liked it.

"I didnt wash my hair."

"The water turned cold. You'll freeze." he states plainly. "Are you okay?" I watch his silhouette from behind the curtain. His arms are folded over each other and he looks a bit uncomfortable.

"I'm fine."

Warm water shoots at my back but I sit there not doing anything.

Dallon sighs and pokes me through the curtains. "I see your shadow. You're not moving."

"I don't like that you can see me." But I do a little. It's less lonely.

I pick up the soap and wash myself all while Dallon leans against the sink and waits. That's a bit annoying.

-

hey I'm stressing about finals

-jj