Saturn- Brallon

45 | b r e n d o n

Ryan was right, it's exactly like taking a two-minute nap.

My nose hurts a little too much. And I am so cold. Ryan was right about that too.

The first face I see is my moms. She's crying.

I can't speak. I try but my throat is so dry I don't think any sound will come up.

Someone is touching my hand. The fingers are soft but I can't see the face. There is a lot of noise in the room. And it smells like sadness.

There is a monitor across from me and every time I move my finger an orange light blinks. I feel drool on my cheek. Maybe it's dry. I try to touch it but there is something blocking me.

Awsten's face appears. He's concentrating. He takes the mask off of my face and smiles at me. He looks like he's been crying too.

My bed slowly moves up and I see everyone's faces. Hayley touching my hand, Ryan in a wheelchair, Geoff with Awsten and nurse Hannah.

"Brendon, It's Dr. Williams." She's somewhere in the room. I can't see her. I think she's behind me. "You just had surgery on your lungs, so you're going to have to take it easy. I know you're still a bit groggy from the anesthetic, so I'll keep this short: You need a new lung. We are planning on keeping you here until there is one available, okay?"

I nod my head. I feel so tired. My brain feels heavy like its a weight bringing my head down.

I'm practically the new Ryan. Living off of a machine until I get a new lung. It's no big deal. He survived.

Everyone talks again, but in small whispers. I can't see Dallon. Is he even in here?

"You had us all worried." Hayley touches my shoulder and grins widely. "I'm glad you're okay."

"We all are, you ass," Ryan speaks up from his wheelchair. He looks like shit too. He laughs when I hold up my middle finger toward him with as much effort as I can.

My head hurts. It feels heavy. It feels so heavy. Geoff left the room a while ago but now he's back with a warm blanket. He must have noticed I was cold.

Awsten sets a cup of water beside me. It has a lid and a straw. Is this what surgery treatment is like?

I take it, attempting to drink from the straw but failing miserably. My mom helps me with this part, holding it to my lips until I finally feel the straw. The cool water feels good down my throat. I keep drinking until it clears up the dryness.

"Where's Dallon?" I whisper lowly. I try to make it sound as clear as possible but it barely works.

They all laugh because of course that's the first thing I say. "He stepped out for a minute," Hayley informs me. "Plus you can only have a certain amount of people in here, and he wanted to wait."

I sip more of my water and listen to them all talk. They're talking about the firework show that's gonna be on later. They're planning on taking me and Ryan up to the roof to watch it.

Geoff excuses himself from the room to get back to work. Hayley leaves a little after that to go get something to eat. And Ryan isn't even allowed to be out of his room for this long, so Awsten takes him.

My mom and I have a staring contest. She blinks first. She doesn't even care that she lost.

"I miss you." She says quietly. "I don't mind you staying with Dallon, but a call or text now and then would be nice." She says sadly but smiles anyway.

"I ove oo." I mock. I just feel so tired. I would like to go back to sleep, but I feel guilty now for the time missed with my mom.

"I love you too." She fiddles around with something in her hand. I can't tell what it is. Maybe it's an elastic. "You know, Dallon really cares about you. And I think he..."

"Don't say it."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to hear it from you."

She smiles widely like she just cracked a code. "You care about him too!"

"Of course I do," I tell her. "You think I'd go to the laundromat for no reason?"

She makes a happy face. The face mothers have when they learn about their child's love life. "You think I should get him?"

"I would like that a lot."

She hurries out of the room to go find him. I'm left by myself until the inevitability of someone coming into the room happens. But that takes a while, so I amuse myself by tapping my finger and watching the orange light pop up and disappear.

I wonder if the Greek Gods ever had to amuse themselves during boredom.

Zeus probably played Russian roulette with his lightning bolts. Or maybe his pastime was just sleeping with everyone and giving birth through his forehead. I once heard that Persephone grew flowers just to watch them fade and die. She really was something else. It's a bit funny. Everyone saw her as some pretty and harmless Goddess, but she's so powerful and ruthless. I heard that even Hades was a little scared of her. And meanwhile Artemis definitely had naked women around her when she was bored. Even if she made a 'no sex' oath or something.

A knock on the door takes me out of the blinking orange light. But I'm not bothered by who it is.

His face is red, his nose is runny, and he looks terrible. Dallon pulls up a chair beside the bed and plops down on it. I hear his sniffles until he looks up at me with tear filled eyes. I swear my heart broke into a million pieces with the way he's looking at me.

"You really scared me." He digs his face into the warm blanket and I watch his shoulders shake.

He cries for a while, gripping the blanket and letting it all out. It makes me want to hold him and never let go. He really was scared for me, wasn't he?

I take his chin in my hand and make him look at me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't do this again, please."

He's so hurt. His face looks so pained by it. "Stop crying."

"I can't." He says before he digs his face into the blanket once again. "I was so scared you were gone. When you dropped to the floor I didn't know what to do I was so scared for you, Bren. My mind completely blanked I can't stand the thought of you leaving me. Don't leave me."

"I'm sorry, Dal, I should have told you."

"Yeah, you should have." He sniffled in his arm and looked at me with pleading eyes. "Don't leave me. Please."

"I'll try my best."

He's quiet now. Head on the bed probably sleeping. He cried so much I was sure he would run out of tears soon. I didn't know what to do but sit there and let him do what he needed to do. I was scared to touch him incase he pushed me away like frustrated people usually do. And I'd never seen him cry before this. He's always so strong and hides these emotions easily. I don't get it.

I care about him. A lot. So much. I feel so guilty about not telling him when I found out. But I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Because I'm going to school in the fall. Nothing can stop me from that. Not even this hospital stay.

I really can't believe he's still here. After what I did. I wouldn't be there if he pulled this. I'd be mad as shit. And I would go home and drown in my pity. But he's here. He is here.

-

hey it's me coming at ya.

I've been talking to this girl I met on tinder and I keep giving her hints to ask me on a date but she also keeps giving me hints and basically neither of us have the courage to ask sooo there's goes that for me lmao

Also sorry for late update

-jj