Brown Eyes {Sequel to Green Eyes}

Chapter 1: Lost

604,800 seconds.

10,080 minutes.

168 hours.

A week. April has been gone for a whole week.

There's such an indescribable feeling about knowing she's missing, knowing she's possibly being hurt. That she's possibly... yeah. I can't tell if it's anger I'm feeling, but I know it's the second strongest feeling I've ever contained. The second.

The police station is a load of horse shit. We know they're not doing anything, and they sure as hell know it, too.

A part of me sympathizes, though.

How do you find someone who seems to have just vanished into thin air?

I find myself thinking about this question so often that I don't even realize it at times. Lately, I've been zoning out a lot, though. It's just become a normal thing, honestly.

Just because I act strong in front of others, doesn't mean I am. The contrary, actually. I've been crying myself to sleep since the night she disappeared. The search for her going painfully slow doesn't help me mentally or emotionally, either. The more time goes by, the more discouraged I become. The more my heart breaks.

Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, David even giving us two weeks off since she disappeared to get in the right headspace. People keep telling me to leave it to the authorities which is, most likely, the most absurd thing to ever cross paths with my ears. She has been gone for a week. A fucking week. Do they not get that? Do they not understand that without her there's no light? No meaning? God, just thinking of their stupidly placid faces as they idiotically tell me to stay calm makes me want to punch a goddamn wall. She's been gone for a week! We don't know anything, we don't know if a psychopath took her or where the actual fuck they took her. She could be hurt! She could be seriously injured! She could be fucking dead!

"Dead...?" I mumble questioningly. I come to terms with what I thought and realize I have avoided saying it, even thinking it. And the thought of it just makes me so unbearably miserable that I can't control myself. "Dead?!" I scream, knocking my desk lamp onto the floor in anger.

I stare at the broken glass pieces on my hard tile floor as I breathe heavily, my chest moving up and down. They remind me of myself, like I'm gazing into a mirror of emotions.

Soon, the door bursts open which isn't a big surprise. "Are you alright?" Then he notices the broken lamp beside me, "Seriously, Zach? Again?"

I look away from his ocean blue eyes that male me feel all the more worse. "Sorry," I mumble, playing with my fingers. I always do that when I'm nervous.

"Don't be," he replies softly, walking towards me. "I just... I want to help you, but-"

"Then find her, Dani," I whimper, interrupting him.

He stares at me with pity. God, I hate that look. It always makes me feel like everybody's convinced that she's really gone and they feel sorry for me. I know she's not, though. She wouldn't leave me alone on this Earth. "Zach, if it were that easy-"

"Nobody's doing anything!" I growl, throwing my hands down, frustrated.

"Hey, I miss her, too!" Daniel retorts.

"Oh, shut up, Daniel!"

"Zach, you aren't the only one going through this!" he finally yells.

"It sure as hell feels like it! So stop pretending you feel as much pain as me!" I scream at him.

"This is your fault!" Daniel shouts. He instantly regrets it, though, when pain covers my expression. I feel tears of guilt and pure sadness coming so I look away. "Zach, I didn't-"

"You're right," I mutter, keeping my eyes down.

"No, Zach I jus-"

"Just leave, Daniel," I interrupt again, knowing tears are soon to seep out.

"Za-"

"Get. Out," I demand harshly, finally looking into his eyes with my tear-filled ones.

He gives me a look of regret and begins making his way back from where he came. He turns around at the doorframe, however, and looks at me. It's then that I notice the gloss in his sky blue eyes. "I'm so sorry," he tries getting out, but his voice cracks several times. Looking down, he exits quickly, shutting the door behind him.

I immediately begin sobbing in agony. I've cried a lot this week, but this time it's different. A part of me is missing, I feel like I might never overcome this unbearable sadness.

Daniel is right. This is all my fault. If I hadn't made Jack angry and we hadn't started fighting, April wouldn't have left. She wouldn't have left me. She'd be safe.

She's all I can ever think of, but it's been like that even before she disappeared. She's my everything. I'm completely in love with her. Nothing's the same without her. I feel incomplete.

I'm crying so hard that I can't even breathe. But it's like I couldn't care less about myself, all I care about is April. I think of every memory I have with her, some including Jack... and that's when I remember.

It's Jonah's birthday! I scream in my head.

I wipe my tears away and blow my nose before leaving my room. I'm about to walk down the stairs when I hear arguing. I peek below without being seen and see Daniel, Jonah, and Jack standing in the kitchen yelling. Corbyn sits at the counter by them, his head down.

"What do you want me to do with him?!" Daniel yells at Jonah.

"I don't fucking know, but arguing with the kid won't help!" Jonah yells back, his tall figure getting closer to Daniel's slightly shorter one.

Jack comes in between the two, trying to stop further dispute. "Guys, just shut the fuck up. He'll hear you," he rolls his eyes.

And this is how it has been the past week: constant arguments and crying. We've also broken a shit ton of stuff.

But the plain truth is that we're lost without April Robinson.

I am so lost.

-

PL: july 8, 2018