"Lifeless. I had no thoughts, no visions, I didn't move. Just, dead."// In which boyband member Zach Herron must face torments, find himself, and also fight for his young requited love.
completed: december 25th, 2018
thank you again to @happyforherr...
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As we continue to stare at each other, not having a care in the world at the fact that we are currently trapped inside of an elevator, there are hundreds of thoughts popping into my brain. "Are you okay?" April asks quietly.
I nod, taking a deep breath, her gentle hands still against my face. I look down, before looking back into her eyes, my voice cracking as I ask, "Why did you ever leave?"
Her eyes flash with hurtful memories and she takes her hands off my face, turning around and slowly walking to lean against the other wall. I hear her take deep breaths as she runs a hand through her black hair. "I'm sorry, Zach..." She turns around to face my pained eyes with her own, "I never meant to hurt you."
"You did, though, April," I react immediately, feeling all of the hurt I felt when she had just left me. "You hurt everyone who really cared about you. Daniel, Corbyn.. me! I.. I could never understand what I did wrong-"
"But that's the thing! You never did anything wrong, Zach! It wasn't about you or Daniel or Corbyn! It was.." A tear slips from her eye and she quickly turns around, "it was me."
I slowly approach her, careful when finally touching her shoulders, the sensation of finally being this close to her again makes my adrenaline and love power through me. "I could've helped you. I could've helped you more than he could of! Shawn fucking Mendes!" I spin her around, our hurt eyes staring into each other, "What does he have that I don't, April?! Better looks, better sense of humor, more money?! What is it!?"
Her jaw drops slightly and she sniffles before tearing herself from my grip, backing up against the wall, "Is that what you think of me now? That I'm some gold-digger? Or somebody shallow..?"
"What am I supposed to think when you just decide to leave! You just left without really telling me or anyone where you would be going! You abandoned me when I had barely just gotten you back and you expected me to be fine? To accept it like it didn't feel as if a thousand knives had stabbed me everywhere?! Huh?!" I yell, coming closer, so close that I can literally feel her small gasps against my face.
She pushes me away aggressively, making me stumble back, "I am sorry!! Okay? I'm sooo fucking sorry! I'm sorry that I had been raped, multiple times!" Her voice cracks and my expression softens, "Then someone else tried to do it again! Zach, why is it so hard for you to realize that I was completely broken?! That I needed to leave and find something to fix me-"
"Shawn?!" I interrupt, tears threatening to slip as this moment is more intense than anything I've ever felt, "Shawn did what I couldn't?! He managed to fix the love of my life? Man, I'm really that pathetic in your eyes, aren't I?" I ask coldly.
"You're being selfish, Zach!" she screams at me, her voice nearly echoing in this hot, stuffy elevator. "Realize that I wasn't looking for another boy because I still loved you! I didn't care about anyone else, but I..." She looks at me with tears dripping down her face, "I knew you needed someone better, alright? Someone who wasn't traumatized and would only bring trouble your way. I thought you deserved the world. Shit," she sniffles and lets out a bittersweet chuckle, "I still do."
I look at her and a glimpse of the girl I had bumped into in a hallway in L.A. appears and I feel hopeless. "You fell in love," I begin lowly, my heart ready to shred into a million pieces all over again as I look into her eyes that I can't get over, "with someone else. Do you.. realize..." I whisper before yelling, "how fucked up that has me?!"
April doesn't even hesitate before retaliating with, "So did you! Bryana has entered the picture just as much as Shawn has!"
I nearly laugh, "I do not love Bryana. I could never love anyone.. anyone, the way I love you."
April looks up at me with a sparkle in her eyes that tells me all of the things I wanted to hear. Her lips, however, don't, "Zach. We can't hurt them. Not after everything they've done for us. Look, you're living and so am I. We're okay."
"I'm not fucking living, April!" I cry out in frustration, "This isn't living. I'm breathing! But my heart.. it only belongs to you," she looks down, "and when you're not with me, I'm not truly alive."
She remains silent, staring down at her shoes. "Don't tell me that, Zach. Please."
I approach her, holding her small hands in my own, "I'm being honest.. I'm not lying to myself the way you are," I say lowly.
Her eyes meet mine and I feel some sort of electricity zap me on the inside. She starts to lean in and I almost laugh in joy, a small smile coming to my face. As our lips grow closer, and our eyes begin to close, the loud ringing of a cell phone interrupts, making April jump back. She blushes a bright red and nervously pulls out her blaring phone.
She looks at me as she answers, "Hey, Shawn.. Yeah.. I'm stuck in an elevator right now." I roll my eyes and turn away, my nostrils flaring in anger and jealousy.
But April was about to kiss me, I think.
"No, I-I'm not alone... Well, uh, Zach's here with me.." At least she's not lying. She's silent for a minute, biting her lip. "Yes, yeah.. Shawn... Shawn! I'll explain later, please.." She yells his name before whispering the last part. After another minute, she speaks, "Thank you. Okay, bye... uh, me too.." She hangs up quickly before looking at me.
"Was he mad?" I ask instantly, trying not to smirk. She rolls her eyes and looks away. "He knows about us, doesn't he?" I add.
She bites her lip, avoiding my eyes, but nods hesitantly. I lick my lips, the fact that we are actually trapped in here doesn't even seem to cross my mind. "Listen, I told Shawn everything.. I thought he should know.." she blurts softly. I only nod, looking down at my Vans. "You told Bryana, too, I'm guessing," she adds after some silence.
I look up at her, "Yeah.. her and I, though.. we'll never work out. She's different. She's changed since I met her." April purses her lips and I go on, "I thought you did, too." She stares at me intently, her eyes glowing despite the horrible lighting of this elevator, "But you didn't.. You're still the April Robinson I know."
She smiles and looks down, embarrassed, "How would you know?" Her gentle voice laughs slightly.
I smile when she looks up at me, "Because I know you still feel something for me."
Her smile drops, but she doesn't have time to open her mouth when the elevator begins going up and the doors finally opened.
I smirk as I see the whole bunch along with some of the security men. I walk out with a big smile, confusing everyone even more. "Why did you leave, babe?" Bryana asks as she stands on her tiptoes and holds my face in her hands.
My smirk only widens as I look past her and see Shawn discreetly pissed while April tries explaining what happened. I chuckle and look back at Bryana, "I guess I just needed some air."
