The Demon's Whispers

20- On the spot.

Present...

"I've been sleeping with men, for money." I said watching him. The silence that followed after made me question if Cody had heard a word of what I had said.

"I said—"

"I heard." He interrupted, shifting in the chair uncomfortably. "If that's your ploy to make me hate you, you'll have to try a lot harder."

"It's not."

Maybe it is.. Damn it.

"Then why say it? Why do it?"

I swallow hard, realising he'd want answers now, answers that I wasn't sure I could answer.

"Was it for affection? Were you lonely? Is that where you went last night? Did you sleep with a man for money?"

"No. I was at.." What did I classify Zak? A friend? Acquaintance? Business partner? More?

"I was out with someone."

"And you had sex with them?"

I felt awful, as if I was cheating on him or doing him some wrong when in fact I am the only one in this room that been hurt beyond comprehension. None of this was my fault, it wasn't cheating, I thought he was dead.

"Yes." I answered watching his fist clench before he relaxed them.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Cody." I warned making his head fall into his hands.

"This is so fucked up. The idea...." He brings his hands away to clench them again. "It makes me feel sick. You being touched by another man makes me feel sick."

"As does knowing you're married to Cassie. Tell me, did you consummate that marriage?"

He looked at me before registering that I was now playing the card he just dealt me. "If we both feel like that then there is clearly something still between us. Leah, I still love you. I still want to be with you."

"You're married to another woman. You're raising her child as your own. If you loved me, you would have came back for me. You would have came to our home and knocked. Begged. Pleaded. Anything but set up another life."

"I thought you were happy." He answered. "I thought that you had the happy ever after that you wanted! Why would I come back to ruin that? I love you but I don't want you to be sad!"

"I spent 2 years mourning your death Cody! I cried myself to sleep! I tried to k—." I stopped and began to breath. "I lost everything.. You should have came back for me. But you didn't. That is on you.."

The months after his death were something of a blur, a deep depression, a dark mass that clouded my senses and consumed me entirely. I lost everything in those months. I was a shell.

"I was close to losing this..." I gestured to my home. "I was about to lose the last piece of you and it was destroying me. So I did what I had to. I couldn't sleep at night anyway. So a night time job was perfect and yeah, feeling wanted, even if it was by perverted men."

"You were desperate?" He whispered.

"Yes. Desperate to hold onto you... But whilst I was clinging to the fibres of what you were. You were playing house with another woman."

"I can explain this.."

"Go on then." I sit back and fold my arms.

"I was grieving."

"So was I, only difference is, I attended a funeral. I sat there and watched them carry a casket in, thinking it was you. I flinched every time those guns went off. I had flashbacks of us. Together. Happy. I endured it, alone because I thought you were in there. Gone. Forever. But for you? I was still living! I was happy as you say. Our grieving is completely different. Completely different."