when it all began | l.s.

Crying is Manly

Harry's POV

I woke up before Louis, and figured I'd let him sleep since he looked so peaceful. I wriggled out of his grasp and stood up out of the bed. The covers were strewn across his small body, his head now resting on a white pillow. I admired his beauty for a while before walking to the kitchen and getting myself some tea.

When I got back to the bedroom Louis was sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"G'morning," he mumbled, blinking slowly and looking over to me with tired eyes.

"Morning." I saw Louis' gaze turn to the tea in my hand. "Oh, God, Lou I'm sorry. I would've made you a cup but I didn't know you'd be up, and-"

"Haz, it's fine," he assured me, and smiled in my direction. He then patted the bed next to him, as if to call me over. I walked over to the bed and sat down carefully.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked, shifting so I had more room.

"Pretty well. You were fairly restless though. Was something wrong?" I questioned, hoping it didn't have to do with me. Louis looked down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs.

"Uh, no. Well, yeah. I- I mean . . . ugh. I had a dream about Ed's party," he stuttered. I frowned and stared into my tea, unable to look him in the eye. I took a second myself to remember how horribly I'd screwed up that night.

Dammit, I thought, quickly rubbing away the tears welling in my eyes. I looked away, hoping Louis wouldn't notice. I had blocked that memory from my mind, and suddenly there it was.

"Harry?" Louis' voice rang quietly in my ears. I managed to force myself to look his way, and when our eyes met I felt my heart break. He too had tears in his eyes and the saddest expression on his face. I never wanted to see him like this, especially not because of me.

I mentally kicked myself for causing him so much pain. All because I thought it'd be fun to get super drunk one night. What was I thinking? I could've enjoyed myself without drinking. Hell, that's what Louis had been doing, and I ruined his time. And I ruined our relationship. I ruined everything.

A tear fell down my cheek as I let myself sink into a pit of shame. Louis noticed and reached out, wiping it away with his thumb.

"Harry, I know you, and I know you've beaten yourself up about this so many times already. I don't want you to do it anymore. The blame doesn't fall on you, okay? If it weren't for management we could've just been open about our relationship to begin with, and none of the drama would've happened." I sighed, and Louis rested his hand on my thigh. "I know in the moment I took out my anger on you, and that wasn't okay. I shouldn't have made you feel so guilty. I'm sorry, Haz."

"Ugh I'm so sick of these damn apologies," I exclaimed. "It's not even either of our faults! It's fucking management! They're the ones who made us hide, and they're the ones who made us stay apart! It was all them!" I yelled, my blood boiling at the thought of how much our managers had screwed up our lives. I punched the bed beside me and more tears streamed down my face.

"Hey, hey it's okay. It's okay now. We're good now," Louis cooed, taking my tea and setting it down on the table beside him. He then pulled me into a tight hug and I cried into his chest. I held onto him tightly and he slowly calmed me down.

"I f-feel like s-such a baby," I cried.

"Harry Styles, you listen to me right now. Crying is manly. Don't you ever think any different," Louis said, reminding me of something I'd said on my own tour. Was that where he got it from? I wondered if he'd been keeping up with my music and my tour this whole time.

His phone began to ring from the dresser, and he let it ring for a few seconds, not letting me go. I told him to answer it, so he got up and grabbed his phone.

"Hello? Oh shit, sorry. I know. No. Everything's fine. No, Liam, nothing happened. I swear nothing happened. Yes. Okay. Alright, bye Liam." Louis placed his phone down after hanging up, and then turned to face me.

"So, what'd Liam want?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing," Louis claimed.

"Okay. Uh, what did you mean by 'nothing happened?' What'd he think was gonna happen?" Louis crossed his arms and his eyes shifted around awkwardly.

"Um . . . nothing."

"Louis."

"Okay fine. He thought . . . he thought that maybe I just came here to uh . . . have sex," he said, looking at the floor during that last part. My eyes widened.

"Really? He thought that's why I invited you here?" Louis nodded, almost looking ashamed. I laughed quietly and Louis looked over at me, frowning.

"What?"

"I just find that kinda funny. Remember all those times when that was why I invited you to my place? And we had to sneak you in wearing some kind of disguise or something?" I giggled as I remembered all the stupid things he had to wear. He smiled at the memory, and moved back over to me, a look in his eyes I hadn't seen in a very long time.

"Lou?" I said, my voice shaky. Was that look what I thought it was?

"Yeah, Haz?"

"What's up?"

"Nothing, just wondering . . ." he trailed off. He looked me up and down and I was suddenly much more aware that I was sitting there in only my boxers.

"W-wondering what?" My breath hitched as he got closer and closer. His grin was killing me, and I gasped as he grabbed my thigh.

"Wondering what it'd be like after all these years," he said, staring at my body. He looked into my eyes and I felt myself desperately wanting him. His hand moved up my thigh and I could hardly breathe at all. He crawled onto my lap and straddled my hips, placing his hands on my torso. He looked me up and down once more before leaning down and capturing my lips with his. I let his tongue roam around my mouth, my hands going to his waist.

He pulled away and looked at me with a look I swore only I had seen. A look I'd received so many times, but had nearly forgotten until now.

"Do you wanna?" he whispered.

"Louis Tomlinson, how could I not?" I grinned, putting one hand on the back of his neck and pulling him back down to me. I needed him.

Maybe all along he'd needed me too. Maybe we could just pick up where we left off and everything would work itself out.

Finally my mind went blank, all thoughts thrown aside as Louis did things to me that no one else could.