when it all began | l.s.

Paranoia

Harry's POV

I wanted to ditch Leo and find Louis, but I also didn't want to be rude. I talked with Leo while we sipped our drinks slowly. He wasn't the worst company in the world. Actually, he was really great. He was obviously shy and nervous around me, but he was easy to talk to.

". . . and then I dropped the bottle and it smashed all over the floor. There was vodka everywhere."

I almost spit out my drink. "You were using a full bottle?" I asked, giggling.

"I'd never played the game! How was I supposed to know better?" he argued. I rolled my eyes, although a smile was on my face.

We were on our third round of drinks. He'd gone up to the bar to get them each time, insisting I stay put. I'd let him each time, but after two and a half drinks I really needed to pee.

"I'm gonna go to the washroom," I said as I stood up slowly.

"You'll come back?" he asked eagerly.

"Yep."

I wandered over to the washroom, dragging my hand along the wall as I went. Just before I reached the door, I saw Louis leaving the women's room.

"Lou?" I called to him. When he saw me his expression turned to worry.

He laughed nervously. "I um, I went into the wrong one. Didn't notice the signs." I nodded and headed into the men's. Louis followed close behind me. While I was at the urinal I watched as Louis splashed some water on his face and ran his hands through his hair. I went to wash my hands and stood beside him at the sink, looking at him in the mirror. It was then that I noticed his appearance.

His hoodie was wrinkled and his hair was messy. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were unusually puffy. His breathing was heavy, though he was trying to hide it.

Oh my god.

I shook my head, my short curls bouncing on my forehead. I needed my thoughts to leave me alone. I was being paranoid. That's all it was. Paranoia.

"So you um . . . you having a good time?" he asked shakily as he dried his hands with a paper towel. I stepped beside him to grab one for myself.

"Um, yeah, I . . . I guess. Would've been nice to spend more time with you," I admitted. His eyes darted around the room uncomfortably, and my nerves shot through the roof. "What have you been up to?" I blurted.

"I was just uh, you know, hanging out with Niall." I nodded slowly, and then headed back outside. I needed to get away from him before I lost my mind. He didn't follow me, so I went back to Leo.

"Harry! I missed you!" he said, jumping up from his chair and throwing his arms around me. There were three more empty glasses on the table. "I'm tired," he whispered in my ear.

"You should go home, Leo. I can call a driver for you if you want."

"Aw no, I wanna stay here with you," he slurred, stroking my cheek. I sighed and grabbed him at the waist, pushing him away so I could look him in the eye.

"I'm gonna call someone, okay?" He pouted, but nodded. "Let's go outside." I guided him across the club to the second door, the one he'd told me about while we were talking. It led straight outside instead of through the pub. I practically dragged Leo up the stairs, his body limp in my arms, although it wasn't much of a struggle considering how light he was. When we got outside it was dark and the streets were quiet. It felt like we were in a ghost town. We sat on the curb and I called one of our drivers. I had to prop Leo up with one arm so he wouldn't flop down on the sidewalk.

"Harry," he said. I turned my head to look at him and he held up his hand. "Look how pretty my ring is. It's new. I just got it."

"I know, Leo. I gave it to you, remember?" Suddenly he burst out laughing, his eyes squeezed shut. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on my shoulder until his laughter died down. He then placed his hand on my thigh and looked up so our eyes met.

"You're pretty," he smiled.

"Thanks."

"Like, the prettiest guy I've ever seen."

"Thank you, Leo."

"I wanna kiss you."

"Well you can't, Leo."

"Why not?" His face inched closer to mine and I smelled the alcohol on his breath.

"Remember the guy you met earlier? My boyfriend?" I reminded him, leaning away.

"Oh yeah. Louis." He said his name as if it disgusted him. "You could do better." I rolled my eyes, praying the car would arrive soon, and sure enough there it was only minutes later. I helped Leo into the car and waited until I knew the driver knew where to go. Once the car was gone I turned to head back inside and there he was.

He was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were red and puffy as though he'd been crying, and his breaths were short and choppy.

"The guys told me to come find you. We're gonna head home," he said softly. He wouldn't even look me in the eye, and I was terrified that I knew the reason why.

------

I couldn't sleep at all. By the time we got back to the hotel it was 2:00 a.m. and I felt exhausted. I got in bed right away, and Louis joined me shortly after. He was sleeping in a hoodie, which I thought was very strange. Although, the whole night had been strange from beginning to end. Thoughts raced around my mind, spinning out of control like one massive tornado.

Did he cheat on me? No, he couldn't have. He came out of the women's washroom. Why was he in there? Was it really an accident? Maybe he acted out because he was jealous of Leo. Is this my fault? For fuck's sake I don't even know if he did anything bad! Why am I freaking out? Should I ask him about it?

He stirred beside me, and I looked over at him to see his eyes were open as well. He was awake.

"Harry, I know you're awake," he said, staring up at the ceiling. "I also know you're not stupid." I didn't say a word. "Tonight, at the club, I met this girl."

Shit.

"I bumped into her and she spilled all over her shirt so I went into the bathroom to help her. And then next thing I knew, she was kissing me."

Shit.

"I should've stopped her right away, but I didn't. I don't know why, but I didn't. Once I realized what was happening I pushed her off of me, but I did kiss her back. I'm just so sorry, Harry. I didn't mean to do it, I swear." Tears were welling in his eyes. He hadn't looked at me since we left the club, and he still wouldn't. I didn't know how to feel. He didn't do it on purpose, I knew that, but all I could think of was his lips on hers. Him kissing her the way he kissed me.

I rolled out of the bed and headed for the door. I didn't care that I was just wearing my boxers, I needed to get out of there. I needed to clear my head, and I couldn't do that with Louis right beside me. I heard him call out from behind me, but I didn't listen. I headed across the hall and knocked on the door. After a few minutes it swung open.

"Harry? What's up?" Zayn asked.

"Oh, sorry. I thought this was Liam's room."

"It um, it is."

***

A/N: I hate myself why am I writing this like why can't it all just be rainbows and flowers and lollipops ughhhh I hope it's interesting at least

gimme some feedback if you're reading this pleeeease and thank youuu

love ya <3

~bee. xo.